Every single morning

[iamloved]

Hello all. I am sitting here and my phone rings. It is a collection agency about my way past due student loans. And that is how my day starts. Me not asnwering and feeling like shit (can we cuss on here?) and the day does not get better from there.

Like most of us work all day and doing a one hour commute each way. Not having enough time for myself. Marriage issues dealing with a super jealous wife. Issues with being molested as a child. Trying to keep it together but wondering why I even bother.

Always telling myself to change jobs, work harder at my marriage. Spend more time with my son, get shit done around the house. This and that and the other all while being a chronic procrastinator. I have even procrastinated signing up on this board.

I feel like a total failure but at times I feel on top of the world. But keep telling myself that it is just an illusion and reality sinks in and I am down and depressed again but do my best to seem OK to those around me.

This is sooooo tiresome. Even typing this I feel like a phony and things are no that bad. Or so I fool myself into thinking. But lately I can not ignore these feelings any longer.

Thanks to the podcast I feel more compelled to seek professional help. And will consider this a first step. Sorry to be a drag to anyone who reads this. I promise to try and not be so gloomy in later posts.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello "iamloved"! Welcome to our little forum!

Professional help can be key, because a depressed mind processes all reality through a depressed distorted filter.

Please take care, looking forward to reading your contributions to the threads here, all the best!

[serious_oregon]

Howdy, iamloved!

Don't ever feel like you need to apologize. We're all here with issues and to help and support one another. If you need to spill your guts; go for it. We'll always bend an ear and give you feedback.

This is a great community to be a part of if your on a mission to start feeling better Actually, it's a great community no matter what. I'm glad to meet you and I'll be seeing you around! xo

[Cheldoll]

Yes, we can cuss! Fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck.

Don't beat yourself up thinking "well my shit isn't as bad as other people's" -- it's not like your feelings are any less than everyone else's just because you haven't gone through as much or whatever.

Anyway, welcome to the forum. Hope to see you around

[iamloved]

Thank you so very much everyone for the nice welcome! I will be over there in the depression forum

[tangledlaces]

Yes welcome Iamloved and thank you for asking about profanity. Now I can be at ease when ranting about things. It's not a proper rant without at least one cuss word right?

I understand how you feel. I couple years ago I was in similar straits. I do encourage you to seek professional help, even though it may be difficult to do so. I too am a procrastinator, but I've set myself a rule where I have a "to do" every day that must get done whether or not anything else does. Sometimes it's taking the kids to the library. Sometimes it's cleaning the kitchen. Sometimes it's making sure to call a friend and say hello if I haven't in a while.

Take care of yourself and never feel like you need to apologize for feeling your feelings or sharing them.

Looking forward to seeing you around.

[inmymind]

Welcome Iamloved!

The others have given you good feedback. To add, I can only say I relate to much of what you posted in your introduction. I'm glad you will be seeking help. There is no shame at all in that. Look at it as having a personal life-coach. Having someone who is all for us, steering us, provoking us to think differently, someone outside looking in can only bring positive things We must still do the work, but I think you will find it such a relief just to be getting some help.

Take care,
InMyMind

[iamloved]

WOW more words of encouragement!!! Thanks again!

Today I am choosing a therapist and set up an appointment. Feels good to make this first step. I used to go to therapy but fooled myself into thinking it was not worth it.. So here i go again and hope to not give up if the first therapist does not work out. Yay...

[weary]

Welcome and congratulations for making the choice to come on to this board and to seek professional assistance. Most people don't even get to that point. You did. That first step is a really important beginning to a new chapter of your life. Your feelings (even the gloomy ones) are important, but you are not defined by the bad things in your life. Best wishes and I look forward to hearing your story.