I'm Fat

[Jose]

I haven't weighed this much in my entire life. I'm at least 30 lbs overweight..it doesn't really bother me until I see how I look in the mirror with my favorite clothes on, makes me think I need a whole new wardrobe! The reason I've put on weight is simple: Lack of exercise. It's getting into the habit of leading an active lifestyle that I find complicated. I try to eat healthy, watch calories, and avoid sweets, but when your entire day revolves around sitting in a chair and staring at a screen, nutrition alone doesn't cut it. That's where my depression comes in. I feel like on a daily basis, my life is centered around avoidance and escapism. I'm always looking for a way out, to pacify myself, when I have some deep inner problems and aggression I feel like I should be working out through exercise. I guess I'm not worried about looking undesirable to women, since I've always sucked in that department anyways. Never been athletic and anytime I've been fit was pure genetic luck, I'm not obsessed with my body image, but I'd like to feel and look healthy. I think I've got the happiness part down. I'm content, I'm not dreading life, I don't want to kill myself, I just find it a lot easier to relax through the day than constantly forcing activities upon myself. It's taken its toll, because now I hate my body, and it's a reflection of the ugliness I've kept inside all these years but felt like I had a handle on because I 'looked' attractive. Accepting things as they are has never been too difficult for me, but I'm at a point where I simply can't accept THE WAY I AM anymore. Not even in a self destructive or suicidal way, I just need to make a change that will positively affect how I live my life.

Thanks for reading. Feel free to share if you think you're overweight.

[Alarmist]

I may or may not be at my all time heaviest. I haven't stepped on a scale in a year or so. I don't know why I'm so surprised every time I'm shirtless in the mirror. I exercise a fair amount but I binge eat. I rode for miles and miles against a strong wind on my bike today only to undo it with mindless gorging this evening. I don't even enjoy junk food. It's just a comfort thing.

I was skinny my whole youth and had a hard time adjusting to the metabolism of a regular joe. So, I'm overweight, too. The only thing keeping me short of obesity is bicycling, which is the only time I feel clarity and serenity when I'm not chastising motorists. Having a form of exercise I somewhat enjoy is the only routine in which I can maintain even an inkling of consistency.

[JABaillie]

I'm 6'1 and about 240 pounds. I used to weigh somewhere around 360 (I don't know exactly, 'cause I used to step on the scale and it would just spin. Yeah. That actually happens. Imagine that feeling, haha.). I lost the weight but hating myself a lot, almost never eating, and running 4k a day regardless of the weather or what I got up to that day.

What's my point? I still feel incredibly fat and ugly. It doesn't matter how much weight I drop, I always will. So I speak from experience when I say this- if you think you're fat or overweight or whatever you want to call it, and you would rather not be, fine. Lose weight! It's good for you n' shit. But never, ever look at it through the lens of hate. Because than it's all you'll see it as. The Weight. The Evil. Jose, what you're describing is something I know very well. Remember that the person you are is a lot more than the Weight, and a lot more important. So do whatever you want to do, regarding weight. But don't make it the most important thing in your life, because it will consume you.

Lots of love,
Baillie

[TUNK]

Jose,
I was just reading your post and was wondering what 12 months has given to this situation?

cheers

[Cheesehead]

I'm fat, obese, overweight, etc. I have been all my life. It has consumed my entire life as well. There are lots of years in my past that I would have given ANYTHING to have a killer body! As I have gotten older, 46 now, it has consumed my life less. And although I would still prefer to be thinner, I have come to a bit of self-acceptance. I also believe that even if I was to put in all the hard work to lose all the weight, I would still be just as unhappy with my body as I am now...the skin has been stretched out for too long, I doubt it would be possible to get rid of it without plastic surgery which I wouldn't consider...but in a slightly different way. And I have also developed a bit of self-esteem and am trying very hard to not look at my fat body with disgust as I was taught by society and the media. People shouldn't be made to feel as if they are less of a person because of what size they are. It makes me want to fight the stereotype of what is beautiful. But then again what the hell do I know....I'm just the fat chick who makes herself throw up and is crazy as a loon!