slowly sinking back into the anxiety abyss

[Bot Ross]

Hi,
Im a long time listener who has been dealing with anxiety and depression for most of his life.
Im currently feeling like im spiralling into an anxiety abyss once again, which involves racing negative thoughts and isolating myself from the world in my bed. i wake up every morning just wanting to go back to sleep. feeling like my body is made of lead and any attempt to start the day seems impossible. This is even though it isnt my first episode like this and i know what helps. i know i need to do a fasting cleanse again, start eating healthier again, stop drinking and go to the gym. even though i know these things help me and have brought on better phases in the past, i cant manage any of these. I feel overwhelmed with even checking my emails, fearing bad news or scorn for reasons unknown to me. All I want to do is sleep. hide away from the world.
My anxiety paralyses me which leads to frustration with myself for not getting my shit together which leads to depression. i can see the pattern clearly but cant seem to stop it.
just wondering if anyone can realate.
end rant.

[Alarmist]

I can relate to lot of what you posted. Particularly aware of the necessary steps feel a little better but feeling unable to take them. I think a lot of people go through this, hence "crippling anxiety" as a common euphemism. I feel that way often.

[serious_oregon]

God, yes. Anxiety sucks. Period. Having depression and anxiety is a double-suck. I started having really bad anxiety this last year. The one thing that has really helped me a lot is meditation. A lot of people hear meditation and automatically think of new-age crap. Fortunately, that's completely false. The basis of meditation is breathing. When we are frenzied by racing thoughts and a feeling of doom, we want nothing more than for everything to just stop. I can say that once I learned how to focus on my breath ("breathe in, breathe out"), I was able to slowly start to gain control of my brain. It takes practice and focus and it's doable. The more you practice it, the more control you gain.

I would highly recommend you check out the book "Fear" or "Peace Is Every Step" by the Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hahn. Don't worry. It's not a religious book. He's just really amazing at pointing out how to "not think", but breathe. I can honestly say a lot of what he's written has decreased my anxiety and depression just by helping me rethink the way I, well, think .

It's just a suggestion and I've met a few other people that have also been helped by his books. I don't take meds because they don't agree with me, so having this as therapy to get me through the tough times is invaluable. No worries if it's not your thing.

Best,
serious_oregon

[Cheldoll]

Hey, I'm a bit late here but welcome to the forum. I can relate to what you're going through. The tag team that is depression and anxiety takes me down time and time again. By now I should know that it's not me, it's the illness -- and that's what I want to let you know. It's not your fault. I can tell you're doing the best you can. It's just hard. Take care of yourself, ok?

[D arlene]

How are you feeling?

[Bot Ross]

im actually feeling better now. thanks for the kind words and questions. im on the 9th day of a 10 day fast which is a nice reset for my body and clears my mind.

[Melanie]

This is the story of my life. Every year it gets harder to get up, get out, get going - just get. When I do get going, my ADD/ADHD often decides to lend a hand by freezing my body, departmentalizing my brain and deploying my weak attentions to each of the compartmentalized areas at the same time. Confused... I get back into bed and try to sleep, the only way that I know to shut it off. So yeah, I get it. Life is not easy for our kind.

[Paul Gilmartin]

Bot,

Welcome! You may be the only bot I'm happy to have on the site.

I'm glad you're feeling better. My thought as I was reading your first post was "I hope he doesn't rule out meds because for some people it's the only way to beat the chemical imbalance in their brains." I'm one of them. I hate that I have to take meds, but not as much as I would hate to live the way I felt before I took them, and how I feel when I do my occasional "stop taking my meds I'm better" experiments.

Happy to have you join us

Paul

[Bot Ross]

thanks paul.

I do take meds and have been on different ones for the last 5 years. Im currently on 225mg of venlafaxine (effexor). the meds help well enough, but arent a cure all. but they definatly cushion the downward spirals a bit. believe me, ive made the mistake of going off them when i had a good summer, only to be a mental wreck by the end of the winter.

i also think that drinking is hindering me from some stability, as the meds cause me to black out quite often and hangovers tend to trigger enormous amounts of anxiety for me. i only drink maybe once a week, but when i do, i dont seem to know my limits anymore (maybe it has to do with the meds?). its not a physical dependence, but my bad way of dealing with social anxiety. thats what im working on right now.