Inflicting myself on others

[Dave33]

I've reached a point through introspection and therapy where I realize that my lack of support system is playing a major role in my continuing depression. It seems somewhat obvious and also somewhat simple to fix, but it's proving difficult as I've pushed everyone away for the last few years and am down to no foundation to build from so I'm starting from scratch. I'm trying to baby step back into the world and connect but I find that I'm consumed a lot of the time by fear and guilt over what I think of as inflicting myself on others. The idea being that I don't want to push the problems of a twice divorced, clinically depressed guy who not too long ago attempted suicide on people just trying to get through their own lives but since those things are almost all I think about it won't be long into any relationship before I can't help but blurt that stuff out. My therapist and I agree that dating is the ultimate goal but I can't even begin to get my head around that concept in light of those feelings. I wonder has anyone else here managed to push through a similar situation?

[oak]

Dave, you are not alone. Not alone.

I see a couple of things, a few threads. Feel free to take or leave anything I say.

1. Building a social circle/support network. Been there. It takes awhile, and courage, and doing behaviors that are uncomfortable at first.

You may want to consider reaching out to your old friends, and making amends, or at least just saying hello. They may not be so angry at you as you think.

2. As far as dating, as a hetero dude, I went from if not zero to sixty, at least from zero to a steady 45. A person can start at zero with dating and attraction, and get where they want. For hetero dudes (I recognize my own heteronormativity), there are a number of schools of thought, all which work. Feel free to pm me if you'd like to hear about what I used.

I hope you continue to find healing and answers.

[honey badger]

I really get this feeling. It's like your rational mind says "But they are friends, of course they care!" but your depressed feelings say "GOD, you're so annoying when you're here and breathing and stuff!" I don't know how to solve that feeling, I only know the only thing that works for me is to try to get what I need somehow without hurting someone else. Hope you feel like less of an infliction soon. Was that awkward? hm.