Just a few thoughts

[duck1]

I don't know if this the right thread, but I read the other titles of the threads and couldn't find a more suitable one.

I think that things are harder for me than for other people.

That other people just walk by more smothly and in confidence than me, and for me everything is a project. When other people walk by, they think about how to make themselves happy and I think about how not to intrude, how to notice what's going around and not trip into somebody or not let someone go by (because I have had done such thigs in the past and when repriminded felt horrible).

I don't know if it's my ADD my OCD my perfectionsim, me being thin skinned, my akwardness or my different mentality.

Like just going to the supermarkert. even before paying I stand by the plastic bags and begin opening them:

1. the cashier laughs at me and says - are you hurrying? it insults me but I have no answer.

2. I know it will be hard for me and take me a while to open these damm bags so that's why I need a head start.

3. I don't want to keep the person behind me waiting.

The thing is, I don't know anybody else who does this.

I was just trying to give a metaphor of how many things in my life are.

I feel like for example where I work. The other girls are so pretty, thin, have it altogehter, the job and mothering and their looks, and they pass me by and I'm so akward.

Also many time in conversations people like rush me when I speak, like, "we get the point move on", and this really upsets me.

I feel

a. I'm stupid, I don't think fast
b. I wouldn't do that to other people, why are they doing this to me?

anybody relate to any of this?

[Cheldoll]

I can totally relate, duck. One of my favorite quotes is by the author Albert Camus, and translates to something like: "nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal."

I think you're just very sensitive. Not necessarily in a touchy-feely way or anything -- just that you're very aware of your surroundings and your place among them. I imagine a lot of people are too wrapped up in their own shit to care that people are waiting in line behind them or that the person they're talking to wants them to hurry up and say what they need to say.

None of this is bad, but it sure sucks, doesn't it? To be hurt so easily. I know what it's like. It's tough to articulate the longing that I feel to have a piece of that happiness other people seem to be a part of so effortlessly.

My point is, I guess, that you are not alone.

[duck1]

Thanks Cheldoll.

I was very happy to read your reply

It is ironic that you say that - just that you're very aware of your surroundings and your place among them
because I have been told many times that I am self centered, don't know how to listen, etc.


I guess that maybe because this comment heart me so much, I try to avoid having to hear it again.

[CBM89]

I also sympathize with what your saying. I'm very sensitive as well, particularly when I'm under stress/not sleeping enough/dealing with anxiety or some big thing coming up in my life. Sometimes I feel like saying "EVERYONE SLOW DOWN. LET ME OFF ON THIS ONE, PLEASE, WORLD. JUST CHILL OUT FOR ONCE.", etc. After reflection I realized in moments like these I'm really angry at myself, like - why can't I be "normal"? etc.

What helps me is remembering: other people are sooo mucch more in their own heads than you think. I pick up so much extra detail/experience owing to my sensitivity (and it sounds like you do to), but I've gotten better at just saying to myself, basically, "they won't even remember this. This has no importance, so whatever judgement I'm feeling is just a thought coming from bad habits."

Being sensitive is a gift but you have to develop the ability to see it for what it is rather than judge it

[duck1]

Thank you CBM89

It was very insightfull.

[Herself]

Tell the cashier to mind her own damn business and leave you alone. You don't have to put up with it. You won't be on her Christmas card list anymore, but there's one less thing to worry about.

Or, as a less grouchy move, say, "I have OCD; cut me some slack."

Third idea, we all drive down there and lick her face. Requires more planning, but how much fun would that be?

[duck1]

Herself- love your sense of humor