A mini!

[ghughes1980]

Thank you Paul for the mini-episode. I know this is asking a lot but more of these would be great!

[shanarchy]

This is just amazing!
It explains so much!

My Dad is narcissistic and I did not know what that even meant before.
My Mom is co-narcissistic towards my Dad, but narcissistic towards us.
I'm co-narcissistic towards almost everyone.

Now, the question is how do I deal with this.

Thanks Paul, you are amazing!

[CharlotteC]

I loved loved loved this episode! Narcissists have ruled my life. I relate so well to always being the audience, and so desperate to please everybody. Except those poor souls who are even more subservient -- with them I do sometimes act narcissistic, and of course I feel like a big phony. I've just realized this. Ugh.

But mostly I am drawn to narcissists, because I know exactly what they want (attention! flattery!) and how to give it to them, so they will shine their pretty lights on me and make me feel special. Mostly because I feel empty inside. I mean, it gets better as I get older, but at forty-something-ish I still don't really know who I am.

I want to find my way through this so bad. How do I learn to love normal people, and resist the hero worship that comes so easily to me?

[IvyFailure]

Paul,

Thank you so much for the mini-episode about narcis- narcississs- about me. I'm definitely a narcissist, if for no other reason than I love the fact that I can put a weird name on whatever's holding me back. I'm not a failure, I'm a narcissist. There were so many times during this episode that I felt like you were talking directly to me. I'm still trying to figure out whether I'm also suffering from co-narcissism. My parents aren't your archetypical Squid and the Whale type narcissists, they're very meek in some ways. But they can be very passive aggressive. I also wonder if religion could function as a proxy for parental narcissism.

In any case, I still have a lot of work to do. As a child I could never accept criticism, I hated rewriting or reworking anything I had done, and I held anything I did or experienced as precious. At some point I feel like I grew out of this to some extent, but now I've backslid. I can't let go of this feeling that I'm special, because the alternative is that I've made some very big mistakes, or I've been very lazy, or I've always had the ability to pull myself out of this rut whenever I wanted to, which might be the scariest possibility of all. I have a lot of work to do on myself, but none of the time or money I need to do it. Meanwhile, everyday I get older, further away from a time when this kind of rut was acceptable, and still death continues it's slow march towards me.

Anyway, thanks much for the episode. It really spoke to me, and I'm going to listen to it again.

[kitkat]

Ho-ly shit. I just started listening to this episode, I am literally 2 minutes and 44 seconds in and I feel my throat closing. It is just so close to home, I guess. My father is a narcissist and the description of them and the description of their children and how they act, it is just, it's I guess very shocking to hear. Ok, I'm going to listen to the rest of it now.

[kitkat]

Alright, so I have finished this and I don't know exactly what to say. I feel like I should or did know these things, so maybe it shouldn't be so overwhelming, but it is. I don't want to seem like I'm making a big deal out of nothing or I don't know. I feel very overwhelmed. I was doing some work for my mom and I had to leave to go to another room to write this and just to I guess take a minute. I feel like I could cry or like I can't breathe, but I have things I need to do and people will be coming over for dinner soon. I don't know. I want to show this to everyone and say, "please listen to this, this is exactly how I am and explains my whole psyche." And at the same time I am too embarrassed to show anyone or assume that people would be interested in knowing why I am the way I am and aren't I so selfish that I have to make everything about me, but that sort of drives the point doesn't it? I say how I am over the things my father did, how he cannot change because he is a narcissist, but it's all right there in how I am effected by it and how my brain patterns are all from how he was. Like I have been written for a textbook of children of narcissists. It's a strange feeling. I want people to understand me and see this, but I don't want to show them. My fiancée is so busy with work I don't think he would even have time to listen to it and I shouldn't be putting more things on him and taking up his time with my brain talk, but if he ever me saying that, he would probably say that I should always tell him things and he wishes I was more open.

And I'm babbling. I apologize for being so dramatic. I guess things to think about. And maybe I should listen to it again. Does anyone have the article online?

[kitkat]

I don't know why I'm so overwhelmed by this, it really isn't such a big deal. I'm sorry again for being a weirdo and things. I'm going to go back to work now. I'll stop typing. Please insert a million apologies here.

[Paul Gilmartin]

You can read the article here.

http://www.alanrappoport.com/pdf/Co-Nar ... rticle.pdf

[kitkat]

Thanks Paul

[littlecat]

This was great, I felt like the author of the article really got it. No one really can understand what the aftermath of living with narcissistic parents is like.

My father is a narcissist and my mother is a co-narc and made for such a horrifying childhood and was a nightmare well into my adulthood until I decided the only way to get better is to totally cut them out of my life. Not always the answer for every one but it sure works for me. I am still not used to the idea that I no longer have to pick up the phone and still jump out of my skin when the house phone rings and I am not expecting a call.

The insight in how they make you think is so helpful. Maybe I can stop feeling responsible for every one's happiness, stop apologizing for my existence and actually have opinions and needs without feeling like a selfish bastard.

Thanks for the mini podcast it was beyond helpful.