Being a real worthless person

[neufena]

I just wanted to throw this out there. Every time somebody in the survey's say they have no redeeming qualities or are worthless people Paul suggests that nobody is truely worthless and to go to a support group. When I went to a support group it just reinforced how worthless I am. Everybody else had a valid reason to be there, things in thier past or difficult lives. Abuse or loss. I'm jsut a guy who's never done anything worthwhile (not for lack of trying) and generally is a huge waste of life. Does anybody have any suggestions where someone who is actually worthless can go for help coming to terms with that? I know it's not a usual thing, most people are worthwhile and just need help to understand that but after 20+ years of trying to do something worthwhile and failing at every attempt it's time to accept and I'm, having real trouble with it. I can't be the only person on this plant is really is a total waste.

[Herself]

What kind of group was it? It sounds like you're amidst trauma survivors, and it's making you feel inadequate? Maybe you need to find a support group for mental health issues. That way you can meet other people with similar struggles. You're certainly not the only person who feels worthless, and you shouldn't have to feel alone.

[neufena]

It was a general depression support group. But everybody seems to have a reason to be depressed, I don't with just makes me feeling this way invalid.

[booker]

I totally relate to not feeling worthy of being in therapy and not having a "valid reason". I was also searching up and down my timeline for that particular moment which fostered my depression and anxiety and I couldn't find it. Sure, a lot of bad stuff happened but I couldn't connect them to my illness in a way that made sense. So, I asked a therapist about that and he said, there doesn't have to be a reason because depression and anxiety are irrational. They contain a lot of thoughts that are simply not based in reality. So in a way you could almost say that if you're depressed for a reason, you're not depressed. Meaning, if your dog or a loved one died, you're not depressed, you're in mourning. Of course, mourning might lead to depression, but your dog dying is not the reason you're depressed.

I don't know if that's good therapy, perhaps someone more knowlegdeable can weigh in, but it made sense to me and stopped me from being overly concerned with finding valid reasons and feeling like I was taking space from someone who really needed therapy...

[neufena]

Thanks,

I'm really hoping there is some kind of treatment for people like me. Everything I've encountered so far, including this podcast (which I love and donate to so not a criticism) focus's on triggers and reason to be depressed. How childhood shapes you perceptions etc. Since I have nothing that shaped my perceptions in a skewed way I can only conclude that I am correctly evaluating myself as worthless. Somewhere there must be someone or some processes that can help me come to terms with that fact.

I've been referred for psychiatric by my doctor. After over a year of being ignored and 'conveniently' forgotten about/overlooked I've now be told I am on the waiting list. They assure me that the list works from first referral so I should be near(ish) the top but I'll believe it when I see it!

[booker]

Agreed, it seems quite a bit of therapy is concerned with finding seminal moments or sources of depression. But there truly doesn't have to be a reason other than a chemical imbalance in the brain or a barrage of daily irrational thoughts (for instance)... and that's reason enough!

I just did a quick search and found this. Check out fact #2: (and I'm sure there is more info to be found on the "non-reason" of depression).

http://depression.about.com/od/whatisde ... /facts.htm

[booker]

By the way, I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through and hope you find the help you need!

[heathen1981]

You're not worthless. If you want to feel like you're contributing to the world in a good way, VOLUNTEER! It's nearly impossible to fail at helping out at a soup kitchen. Donate old clothes. Chip in for a charity, or find a Kickstarter campaign you really are interested in and help them. There's a gajillion ways to make a difference.

[Cinnamon]

Hi
Sorry the support group didn't work out but its like any other social/group activity - it has to fit you. Don't give up on it but try another, or some other therapy. You can't battle your self-esteem in a vacuum.
As for reasons to be depressed?
Studies indicate that there are sometimes reasons (grief, job loss, breakup, bodily pain) that depression arises from but that that its true about 1/2 the time, and, here is the interesting part...people who are depressed often in their past are more likely to respond to trauma or loss with depression. their brain has built that path, so to speak. So don't feel you need a triggering event. Its a delicate balance that includes life events, brain chemistry, coping skills and grace.
Believe it or not, if you feel worthless, and depressed, the most important thing at the moment is not why are you depressed but why are you feeling worthless, and getting help.
in the meanwhile, there are so many things you can do...smile at strangers, do simple random acts of kindness like cutting a neighbor's lawn or such...
give meaning to your own life and actions and finding validation in the world matters less, at least for now.
because no one is worthless, ever.

[neufena]

Thanks:

heathen1981: I'm always a bit wary of doing charity work etc just to try make me seem better, I always feel charity should be because you want to help the cause not for selfish reasons. I have bought several things from Kickstarter, although that often reminds me that the people behind these kickstarters are doing something when I am not.

Cinnamon: I hope I can try another support group but they're not very common here in the UK. So far I've found one in the evenings (I'm not important enough to not work). I'd liek to go but it would open a huge can of worms with my wife unless I can find a fake reason to go out that eve.

Smiling at strangers is all well and good if you're attractive, It's a random act of nastiness if I smile at people!

I've tried over and over to give meaning to my life but nothing I do is good enough. Unless I can claim my life's meaning is to fail!

Now to add to things my van has just broken down, snapped cambelt and camshaft. I'm nervously awaiting a call from the garage to see which of 2 ways my life will go

path a: Van is fixable but the cost involved means I have to give up all social activity and will not be able to be the husband my wife want, the help people need or have any of the things people like me for.
path b: The van is past repair. Nobody will need me to move things, help them, drive them around etc. The debt paying off the cost of buying the van in the first place will also affect things but not as much as path a.

Basically I'm, fucked either way!