1. After 20 plus years of suffering, I'm finally able to manage my major depression, love myself, and express my feelings in a healthy manner, then I suffer a massive heart attack and die.
2. I die not ever having the experience of falling in love and having an intimate relationship with someone. I am a 37 yr old bisexual female and I have never had any intimate relationship/experience ever. I went on a few dates in my 20's but ended them because I can't handle the closeness, I still struggle with this and as every yr passes, i am acutely aware of how fucked up i am being a virgin. In my head I want to be close to someone, but when a person is actually near me, I can't handle it.
my 2 biggest fears
Re: my 2 biggest fears
Oh my god I relate to #2. I'm 28 and have only had one girlfriend, briefly. Intimacy freaks me out; I don't even know who I am inside yet I'm supposed to share this with another person or something, it's too much. I'm not sure what the answer is, but I feel your pain...
Life is better than nothing.