How depressed am I/ are you ???

[girlonthe3rdfloor]

Hello everyone .. if you are reading this trend I assume you have depression. I thought about putting the scale of my depression into the context of daily activity .. and I WOULD LOVE to read sample from others to maybe feel less crazy, so here it goes; I woke up late and the first thought that entered my brain was "shit -I am still me .. and this stuck place is actually my life - a bad nightmare". I saw through my window, it was another gorgeous sunny day, and that made me instantly more sad! I knew everyone else is planning to go to beach .. walk .. or do something fun, and I felt even more left out then usual! I saw few missed call and my instant reaction was; I have to make a few phone call and talk to others!!! Nothing make me feel worst then calling friends/family to make small talk as if I am fake and dishonest, cause I normally lie about being so busy to avoid more talk. Then the biggest task of all; SHOWER ..I really postpone showering since it takes up all the energy I have ..but after 4days .. ( well- you do the math!) getting into the shower and turning the water on make me think about the documentary about water- boarding which now I absolutely believe its a form of torture!!! Then It was breakfast; I picked the only thing that was in front of my eyes; rotten banana, and I ate it, no chewing required- I thought that was a sweet deal. At this point which is only few hours into my waking time .. I felt so overwhelmed knowing that I have many more hours of this internal WAR ahead of me before the day is over. Today I picked up this forum to write .. stay in bed and read other people's forum .. with hope that this demon alleviate my brain cell one decimal of a fraction .. I think I would feel the difference .. Hugs!

[MichaelHung]

Boy oh boy do I relate. As I mentioned in another thread, I've fallen back into a major depression and find it sooooo difficult to get out of bed. I found myself having enough energy to listen to the podcast and post on the forum though, so that's something. I can eventually get out of bed and accomplish small tasks (and unlike before, I allow myself these small victories...I no longer beat myself up even more for being depressed). On occasion I'm even able to get out of the house, which lifts my mood a bit...unfortunately it's the "waking up" part the next day that repeats the cycle of the internal battle that goes on in my head. I've had to cancel multiple things throughout the week because I couldn't get out of bed.

Anyways, just wanted you to know that you are not alone. We all may struggle with depression in different ways and different degrees...but we still face the same illness. Hang in there. Fortunately I have seen the other side of depression before and life really can be beautiful...I hope you will get to do the same.

[Amalthist]

I feel so tired from just thinking about how tired I am and how I'm not going to be able to rest until I get through Friday. I dread looking at my email for fear of another not so nice note from my ex and I don't want to call family because they'll want to know how I'm doing. They have so many problems I feel bad telling them anything negative. My kids will get home in 45 minutes and I wish I could just sleep the rest of the day. My appetite confuses me...do I want to eat? not eat? I don't know anymore.
So today I scored real high on that test my therapist makes me take about depression. And I thought I was getting better. At least I don't want to die anymore. Progress? I think so.

[girlonthe3rdfloor]

.. I hate to say it but reading Mich & Ama (sorry to shorten the names ..) make me feel more at ease .. I made myself to register to two classes; once a week writing class, and once a week mindfulness class. They will start in a week, in a way I feel better thinking that I am doing something, but all I can focus on is that I have one week not to worry about it. I try to make plans to keep myself and my mind busy but I spend so much energy thinking " I should cancel it ..no I should go" ! Sadly I back down last min with some lame excuse that makes me feel really bad. So I swing between being anxious or being sad .. and a voice asking me; "how long are you going to allow this??" Thanks for writing back .. I am smiling and really hope both of you feel better.

[CoQ10]

Hello got3f
Hope things are better.
For me weekends I'm not alone so its better, sorta, weekdays I am alone, so
right now it is what it is. I haven't been able to get to appointments
I never take care of myself and because I'm not working I feel like a waste I eat junk, drink coffee and smoke, I deal with what I have to and don't get any calls usually except for telemarketers
I have been in a spiral like ground hogs day the movie. Every day seems the same
I get up, mostly late, and I watch T .V and I do chores or take the much under -exercised depressed dog out for very short w.alk
I'm hating being broke again and its starting to affect my marriage
I have all this time but no Money and no Friend s to spend time with.
I'm also beginning to think my mind is turning to mush but working is stressful. I have to deal with disability forms and Doctors stuff now.. Depression stinks

[yes74]

I relate to everything you guys said. Ive been depressed for a while now. Ive been drinking too much to numb myself. I went on yet another job interview today and it didnt go well. My shrink has hinted to me before about going on disability and I think Im gonna go ahead with it. My engine coolant light is on so there may be something wrong with my car. I also woke up late today because of too much drink and beat myself up about it. Now I feel a big wave of depression coming on and I have to start doing stuff or ill get
sucked in. Stay in bed for days, ideations, not eating. Its hard even to focus on this but its something that can help me. My thoughts are racing right now. I keep spacing out.
I hope you guys all feel better.

[CoQ10]

Hi yes74
It sounds rough, I can relate. Free treatment is very
limited. I am stuck right now and I an not working
so I have nothing to do. Other than sleeping because it
all hurts so much.

I hate hurting my family though, and if I dont get a handle on thing's
and get back to work We will have no money to live on
I am the bread winner for us, it is impossible to change that
Until my husband finishes school and gets a job
Four or five months possibly. Then I could try to reduce my work hours
or change jobs or who knows.
I hope things get better for you, and that you find some relief.
Best of luck all