Child with Oppositional defiant disorder

[Exhausted Mom]

So I have a son who displays ODD. He has not been diagnosed with it yet. He was Diagnosed with Aspergers at 4 and we have been working with a psychologist for this. I am so overwhelmed right now. My son had been singled out in class by a teacher, which was humiliating for him and then the next week the same teacher got revenge because I addressed my concerns with the principle. She yelled at me about my sons behaviour and at this time he wasn't even doing anything and then she decided to have a he said she said fight with him. He was just being a boy. My son does not do well with authority figures at the best of time and struggles with flexibility, but he is a good kid. Does anyone know how to educated others about ODD? I am doing my best to hold it together on a good day and then I get people like this teacher who thinks she knows best and that you need to be authoritative with kids with what they would call bad behaviour. This just doesn't work. I never know what to tell people when my son goes into a rage. There are times he needs to say sorry, but is so inflexible that he only gets angrier. I just read the book, "explosive child" and it is working some what for us, but how do I explain this to others, to which he doesn't see very often or don't believe this is a disorder.?

[manuel_moe_g]

I don't have any answers, but I just wanted to agree with you about lousy mean-spirited vindictive teachers.

I had problems with attention in school, I had problems with authority, and I have been professionally diagnosed with Aspergers. But I was so depressed and anxious that I could not bring myself to act out, so my situation was different from your son. All you can do is calmly tell him how to rationally deal with difficult people, and how to anticipate the consequences of actions. But just getting older will benefit your son's life situation, as his frontal lobe develops and he gains greater mastery of overriding impulses and he gains the ability to put more space between stimulus and response. Buddhist meditation and mindful-breathing-meditation will help.

Please take care, all the best to you and your son.

[oak]

I also don't have any answers, since I am a single man without children. I do send hugs. I hope you have a little sunshine today.

I also come down hard on teachers who are fucking assholes. The teacher is employed by you, to teach someone precious to you. If feelings have to be hurt, then let them be hurt. Being a teacher is no different, no more sacred, than any other job. We are all responsible for our actions at our respective places of employment. We wouldn't tolerate someone abusing something as replaceable as our cars, so why would we tolerate someone mistreating a beloved child?

Be as kind as you can to the teacher, and respect their dignity, but come down hard-real hard- on their behavior. Also, if you have problems with this teacher, I suggest to not let them fester: get it all out, quickly.

Again, I am wholly incompetent (inexperienced?) to advise you. You and your son are people of inherent worth and dignity. I honor you and him in your journeys, in your struggles. I hope you find hope, growth, and joy.

[Exhausted Mom]

Thank you both for your reply. I guess these bad teachers are everywhere. The upsetting part of this is that we homeschool. Let me clarify. We homeschool, but there is a facility (school) that offers classes. We attend once a week so the kids can see there friends and get some instruction by someone other than me. The whole reason I homeschool is so my kids don't get bullied or treated different because of their struggles. Anyways, thank you both for your support.

[VulgarWizard]

I feel like an asshole for researching ODD when my son is in the throws of some VERY terrible twos, but he appears to be getting worse, not better, as he reaches his third birthday coming up in May (which I have seen referenced as the terrible threes). It amazed me how similar the symptoms of ODD are to the terrible twos, excluding the verbal communication symptoms of course. If we tell my son "no", he slaps at us, throws toys/objects at us, yells "no" back at us, all in a progressive manner, even if we are actively suggestion alternatives or attempting to distract/redirect; he is simply not having it. The time out chair isn't proving effective, because we have to nearly sit on him to keep him in the chair for 2 minutes, after which he immediately gets up and slaps us or throws something else at us. We've popped his hands after throwing, sometimes it works, sometimes he slaps back (and if we pop his hands for slapping, he throws something thereafter). We've spanked him for the slapping/hitting/throwing -- and yes, I know, please don't judge me for spanking; he is still in pullups and isn't being beaten. Right now we are taking him to his room, sitting him down in the middle of the room with his blanket and paci, and telling him he can come out when he can be nice, etc. We shut the door, and he throws toys at the door and wall while he cries and yells "NOOOO" over and over. He comes out, and 50% of the time, he smiles and sits down to watch tv or hugs one of us or gets a toy; the other 50% of the time he goes right back to whatever bad behavior got him sent to his room in the first place. Anytime he acts out, it appears to be when he doesn't have our FULL attention, which makes me think he's headed toward an ADD/ADHD label in at some point in his life. His daycare teacher has raised concerns with me regarding his "anger"; she doesn't think this is the terrible twos, and since she's with him 40 hours a week, I tend to listen to her concerns pretty seriously. Also, when he's sick, this behavior is twice as bad, which is what we're dealing with now; he's had a cold and an ear infection but is feeling much better thankfully. I'm hoping this will pass as he continues to get well, and that he'll be a bit more rational, as far as that goes for a toddler. I am exhausted mentally, frustrated, angry as hell at him and myself and the entire world, sick of the input from others about what I need to do to get him to behave, sick of professionals disregarding my concerns by telling me "he's just a 2-year-old boy". I don't know whether to shit or go blind.

[Exhausted Mom]

Omg, that really sounds like my son when he was little. Just like you we were at a loss of what to do. It was not until my husband heard about Aspergers, when my son was 4 that it clicked. My son would freak out at the slightest thing, like a drop of water on his face or get really angry when a walmart greeter who would say hello. There was so many things. Now I am not saying your son has aspergers, but it may be something you want to research as well. ADHD is often a co-diagnosis to Aspergers. Aspergers also has a lot of the same traits as ADHD. Not sure if you have tried yet, but I would maybe suggest seeing about getting your son assessed. I know you posted awhile ago and I hope you have found some support. We were lucky to get an early diagnosis for our son, he was 4 and has made great progress. Lot and lots of hugs to you and your wife. It is a really hard spot to be in.

[fifthsonata]

Speaking as a teacher, remember that there are good ones out there. Don't lose hope that you'll find a good one.

I'm not sure about your location, but as someone who's taught in public schools and recently joined a private school staff this school year, I've seen children with Asperger's absolutely thrive in a Montessori school setting. Why not look into that?

[Exhausted Mom]

Thanks for the reply, I actually homeschool my son, but go to a school once a week for homeschoolers to take classes. That is where the altercation happened. We are however changing school boards next year, which should be better. I do like the Montissori approach though and I plan on moving to a more child directed curriculum. Just an update. My son has gone through Neurofeedback and it has helped a lot. There are a lot of areas of improvement. Some of the improvements is because we are half way through the year and there is a definite routine and expectations. In the new school year we will have to start all over again, but hopefully be a little easier with every year.

[Jenny Jump]

Hugs, just hugs.