withdrawal effects = scared to go back on meds

[serenity88]

I'm a depressed, anxious insomniac with chronic pain (how's that for a great way to self identify ). I've tried several meds including effexor, trazodone, celexa, nortryptiline, elavil, gabapentin, tramadol. Current ones are the last three.

My experiences coming off effexor (after 5 years) and celexa (after 9 months) were awful. The withdrawal symptoms I experienced make for a long list- the point is that I felt worse than anything I experienced as a reason to go on meds in the first place. Besides that, I'm not sure they helped me feel better while I was on them. I'm in the process of getting off my current meds (except elavil, for now) because they make me feel tired and like I'm living in a fog. They zap my energy and motivation and those things are in very short supply as is given my depression.

I'm feeling very depressed and on the verge of losing it. I don't trust antidepressant medications as being effective and I don't want to go through withdrawal ever again. I want to go back to counselling, but can't seem to find the motivation to get out of bed, out the door and to someone for help.

Has anyone tried meds that fall outside the typical SSRIs and had success?

Thanks,
serenity88

[serenity88]

I thought I would write an update on my medication situation. Things have shifted for the better.

Most importantly, I've finally allowed myself to feel okay about taking medication. I'm judging myself less and do not find myself fixated on 'what happens when I have to go off'. I very well may take meds for the rest of my life and that is alright. I also got some comfort from a family member who is a physician. Her opinion is that the withdrawal from effexor (which I went off after 5 years) is unique and the worst one. It was from that experience that my fear and apprehension about trying another antidepressant developed.

So here it is- I'm currently taking cymbalta (30 mg) for depression and chronic pain, gabapentin (1500 mg) for pain and anxiety, seroquel (25 mg) at night to help with sleep and to maybe boost the effects of cymbalta and ativan (10 per month or so) for those really anxious moments. I'm under the care of a doctor that I truly trust - I'm thankful for her. She has been instrumental in helping me get through this depression, which still feels really deep but after about 2 and a half months on the new meds is lifting a bit. I think, I hope.

~serenity88

[Arkay]

I also had a terrible time going off Effexor (Venlafaxine), and it has made me reluctant to go back on medication myself. I've managed for about 7 months med-free, and started DBT about 2 months ago. I think if I have to go back on something I will be at peace with it, but it certainly helps to hear that Effexor is uniquely terrible for its withdraw symptoms.

I hope you have continued to improve.