As My Username Says, Hello World!

[HelloWorld]

I absolutely suck at introductions, so here we go!

I'm a 19 year old girl (20 next month) who definitely suffers from anxiety. Now that I am an adult, I am reevaluating the diagnosis of ADD I got in my early teens and am willing to admit I probably have depression too. I recently got back into therapy after being out of it for about 4 years because of some life changes that are happening. I went running back to the same psychologist I had when I was 14, and I feel like she's even more cool now that I'm an adult.

Anyway, the username is inspired by the Lady Antebellum song of the same name, being the massive country music fan I am. I feel like sometimes, the songs put into words what I can't.There are days where I just want my phone, my headphones, a dark room, my bed, and some sad, sad, SAD country music.

The podcast came into the picture a few days ago. I saw it in the Top 200 or whatever it is and just thought, "This could be interesting..." And I found feelings I could relate to and was interested. So here I am!

If something in this isn't clear, or I left out something basic, just ask! Like I said, I am NOT good at these!

[HelloWorld]

So I wanted to update and share more.

Since it is logically impossible to argue with a computer test that gives you a zero, I definitely have ADHD. And now for my ADHD story...

I was first diagnosed at 14 and went through HELL on Adderall XR. Basically, that appetite loss side effect really got to me. I couldn't even eat a Happy Meal. I lost 17 pounds over a few months and finally at one of my doctor's appointments, the nurse told me my blood pressure was faint. That was the appointment where they put me on Strattera, which lasted a few days. My heart rate was out of control and the meds had zero impact. Then came CONCERTA. OH MY GOSH. The stomach cramps were so unbearable that it lasted 2 days at the most. After that, Adderall (the 2 pill kind) stuck around until I was 16 and thought I knew it all. I basically decided at that point that it was all bullsh*t. Flash forward to being 19 and struggling massively in college. I decided to go back to my psychologist as I mentioned above. I somehow was so deep in denial that I had the guts to tell her (the one who made the original diagnosis) that it was all bull. I mean, I kind of tried to talk myself away from it (said it, and then tried to change the subject) but psychologists do not miss those things... That led to the computer test and here we are. I made an appointment with my doctor to hopefully try medication #5, so wish me luck!

And I totally forgot to mention my anxiety. How I forget something that destroys my life is beyond me... It has also led me to the fear of listening to future episodes because I submitted a Struggle in a Sentence survey and I'm afraid that Paul will think it's dumb or stupid. Or other people will think it's stupid if he reads it. I basically submitted it in one of those moments when I get a random shot of courage. I think I used my first name (Jennifer) when I submitted it.

So there is even MORE about me, because I think I was just really unsure about what to share when I first posted.

[RisingUpAgain]

Thank you for sharing. I don't think Paul will judge you, but if he does he does. Just know that I haven't. I think it was brave of you to recognize that you need help and to go back. I wish I would have had the courage to examine myself when I was 19. Instead it tooks many years and lots and lots of mistakes and intense emotions that I will never want to relive. I hope you know that it will be very tough and you can do it.

The podcast is amazing. It helps you realize that you aren't the only one with issues.

Some unwanted advice. Maybe try not to focus on the diagnosis. While it can help and it helps doctors with treatment plans, realize that you are unique and you are your own person. What matters is trying to help you live a life that is awesome for you. Try meditation maybe? Start at one minute and slowly increase your practice over time.

Hope this helps in some way.