Better Late Than Never. Hello!

[Mister_Man]

Greetings all,

I've been a podcast listener for a while now and often toyed with joining the forum. I used to be big into forums about a decade or so ago but stopped after finishing high school. Hopefully I can remember how this all works.

So a little bit of the key points, I'm a 29 year old American bisexual man living with PTSD, depression, anxiety, and a sprinkling of other things. Some of my earliest memories are being in therapy but I'm not so sure why. I just remember I got in a LOT of fights as a young child and spend many a day in the principal's office in kindergarten. Honestly, much of my memory before college is hazy and I only remember when someone brings up an incident and then I remember it from the third person... My mother died suddenly of an aneurysm, which I witnessed, when I was a sophomore in HS. I seriously shut down for the remainder of HS, didn't hardly date or party and quit all sports and clubs and social interaction.

In college I became a big time geek/nerd and gained a lot of weight since I wasn't playing sports or moving much. Luckily(?) I found someone who I thought was incredible and we were together for nearly 3 years. She was incredibly chaotic, depressed, anxious, paranoid and a perfect match for me so I thought. She lied to me constantly, kept me on edge with threats of harming herself and cheated on me more than once without my knowledge. Eventually I got fed up and broke up with her but she committed suicide just a few months after, the same day as the anniversary of my mother's death, and I just lost it.

After lots of therapy I tried moving forward with life and had some interesting experiences but kept people distant. I lost over 100 lbs and fixed my physical health, which prompted people to treat me differently, more warmly, and it kind of freaked me out. It made me so anxious and physically sick to have women flirting with me. I tried dating guys but it was all the same, I couldn't tolerate someone liking me, desiring me. So now I'm trying to get back into therapy and reading books, journaling, doing anything and everything to work on my mental health as well. Joining this forum is part of my effort to deal with what I see as a long, hopefully steady, road to coming to peace with my past and creating a better future.

See you guys and gals around!

[brave-girl-living]

Welcome! Sounds like quite a journey, thank you for sharing I hope you come around often and that you find it helpful!

[sdjustinr]

Welcome to the forums!