when Failure is the issue

[mjEnzo]

Hi all,

There was a thread about a year ago that delved into not feeling like you've achieved anything; i'd like to bring up a similar issue from my own perspective.

I feel like I can't quite get around or past failure.
I'm an artist, and have been at it 20+ years, which I recognize is something of an achievement in itself, yet as I continue to come up short in getting shows I keep seeing younger generations filling the stream while I sit on the sideline.
Add to that the fact that i've struggled with 'day jobs' most of my life - not satisfying, not paid well, etc. - plus I recently lost my job, inadequate as it was...

I am in a long-term relationship, so believe me, I'm very grateful for that, because being alone on top of all these other struggles is frightening to imagine.

In any case, wondering if anyone is having a similar life experience?

many thanks for reading.

M

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello mjEnzo.

Getting a more mature idea of success and failure has helped me a lot recently. I used to have zero compassion for myself as a person who struggles with depression and anxiety. Now I try to have a realistic idea of my capabilities while still being loving to myself, and not using a vision of success to beat myself over the head.

[brave-girl-living]

I was going to chime in with something about changing your defintion or perspective of "failure" as well. I have given it much thought recently. A lot of my fears look like they surround failure, but I realized they are really fear about "not being good enough" which is very different than failure. That gauge of "being good enough" IS in my control. Failure is ambiguous and vague and who gets to define or decide what it looks like?

I recently had a job situation change and could have seen it as "failure" and I WANTED to say it was because I wasn't good enough, but in reality it was the other person's lack of communication skills mixed with unreasonable expectations. And in situations that I DO "fail" I realize that my expectations for myself are really too high. So I reevaluate those expectations and keep trying.

Keep at it! You are not alone!!