Terrifying but survivable.

[ghostmouse]

Strong undercurrent of fear, but I'm paddling like hell.

[manuel_moe_g]

ghostmouse + paddling through the fear = awesome

[ghostmouse]

Thanks Manuel. It's really lovely to have a place where i can get credit just for keeping my nose above the water some days.

Today i got some help paddling (even though they didn't know it) from: kids happy to see me, their crazy conversations, sleepy baby winking & blinking through our staff meeting, my co-workers being entirely rad all the time even when i had to play bossy old lady counselor, & the promise of another major revision to my book on the horizon.

It's funny, I'm such a fundamentally lazy person, yet good work is completely my favourite thing about being alive. Even when I'm so uselessly & suicidally depressed, the thing that holds me off from acting on it is often that, even if I'm loathing it with every fibre of my being, i don't want to kill my work. I mean, it's confusing, because i also end up speaking towards suicidality at an accelerated rate *because* the depression cuts me off from my work.

idk.

[Wren]

I encourage you to keep holding on to your work and keep creating. I know my artwork has been my life-preserver many times, hell most of my life. And, in time, and if you can, start to recognize that in loving your work you have to admit that it's a tangible creation that YOU gave to this world. Which means YOU are important. And maybe through feeling pride in your work you can begin to have some compassion towards yourself and your struggles.
Sending you a big high five ghostmouse!