If life begins at 40, then it ends at 39...

[moonlightwatie]

I have to be out of my house by the 30th.
Starting to move stuff out and into storage starting tomorrow. I'm cashing in a little good karma with some help, too. I'll have all the essentials out by the 27th, when I'll crash with a friend and attend the TKD tournament the next day. Then I'll board a train for a few days to visit friends and clear my head. My husband needs those extra few days to arrange for the last of his work stuff to be sold off. Then we'll move to whatever new place we find.

Bright sides:
My husband understands me better now that he's had a long conversation with my parents.
I'm eligible for free job training... mulling learning about the IT side of the health care industry.
My eating habits suck, but I'm not cutting.

[manuel_moe_g]

I am really proud of you, moonlightwatie. You are really handling some major challenges in a self-loving way, using the resources around you. This makes me very happy!

[moonlightwatie]

Well, today's been A. Day.

So I got a storage space on Friday and started moving stuff out of here. Mostly my stuff--and lots of paperwork and media that I don't have time to go through right now.

The husband and I had two friends over and made a new one, too. These friends have literally helped me keep my husband alive and me sane for... 5, 6 years now? That kind of karma is a pleasure to return.
One of them is my husband's best friend, CGM, who is the only other person who knows how depressed my husband's been lately. It's nice to have someone else who gets what both my husband and I are going through.
The other was a Dr. Robert sort, if you catch my drift. But he's a kind-hearted person and does make an honest living. He got some benches and a big TV and a few other things, and he brought along a friend who's into mma-type fighting, so I invited him to the martial arts tournament on Saturday.

I had another acquaintance help me Friday and Saturday, but I'm a little wary now. He's not working for much, but he's not doing too much either (load & unload boxes and a few small pieces of furniture). I gave him recyclables that earned him some decent money. I gave him two sewing machines and a 25 gallon propane tank. He sold the latter, and he turned off my propane tank that's hooked up to the house. Not really impressed. And he bought a beer before noon. I'll use him to help me load and unload boxes, sure. But I gave a few items to the friends in the above paragraph that this acquaintance wanted. Loyalty and honesty count for something with me.

Still much to pack, but I'm quite emo and I'm ovulating. My husband's being very supportive.
Packed up the media that I don't want to lose. Well, most of it. Plus all the ebay we've been doing that we had to stop abruptly because of the whole moving timeline thing. Shelled out a fair amount for postage, though most of it was covered by the buyers.

As for my parents, they're not speaking to me. So whatever. We'll be out by next Monday.

My husband talked some sense into me and I'm not riding the rails just yet. Too much to do and I don't really have the money. He's been right too many times for me to ignore him. Maybe in July after we've found a place. I do need to wander off by myself while I can still get my meds.

Really need to talk to a friend of mine, but he's been busy living the life I've always wanted for him. All in due time. If I'm lucky maybe he'll be able to visit.

Emotionally I'm a fucking mess. Restricting like heck though I'm not cutting. And mary jane is my constant companion, I'm smoking cloves and drinking a little. I'm doing the best I can to keep it together. Music really helps too. I only have FM radio in my car, which is ok. At least I have a good music collection in my computer (and my phone). I hate that I have to move out two days after my long-anticipated TKD tournament. That pisses me off so much that my parents did that. Perhaps some resentment that my TKD school is my "real" family?

I have no idea where we''ll be staying on July 1st. Going to look into county resources tomorrow.

Half tempted to compete in the tournament in board breaking. Works better than cutting for getting rid of emotional pain.

Tomorrow: post office run, ups pickup, and TKD belt promotion. And packing in the morning. Tuesday a friend is coming over to pick up more stuff.

This life I've lived for 11 years is fucking ending. I'm just glad I can pretty much keep it together and get things done. I just need to keep up the pace because time is ticking away.

[manuel_moe_g]

best of luck at the TKD tournament, moonlightwatie

[moonlightwatie]

Thanks!

A couple of men came over yesterday and started asking questions about my house. Then a friend of ours showed up a few hours after that and said, "Hey, do you know your house is on Zillow?"
My house has been on the market for 10 days, and my parents never told us.
The listing has a picture that is at least 20 years out of date.

On the bright side, a gal I went to elementary school with who lives near me offered us a temporary place to stay while we look for an apartment. That is one huge relief!

My parents have stopped talking to me. Like I need the aggravation of talking to them anyway!

[moonlightwatie]

My father is an ignorant asshole who is telling me I should blame my husband for what's happening to us. Talking to him made me feel like I was my husband talking to me.

Temporary housing has been located, and we're checking it out tomorrow.

Parts of me are screaming at me to cut, but I won't. Yes, I'm using mary jane and booze and eating very little food.... but I'm not cutting!

Lots of stuff taken to storage and lots of scrap metal and other recyclables given to the person who's helping me with the trips to the storage place.

[moonlightwatie]

Yes, I ramble...

Spent the last 5 days packing, moving things to storage, and moving some stuff in to the temporary housing (a 5th wheel trailer on the property of a friend). We just got internet installed today. (We're in the boonies on satellite, and it was cheaper to transfer our old service here than it was to upgrade their service. )

I went from a cool house on a paved road to a trailer on a dirt road that's 1500 feet lower in elevation thus hotter. Had I not had all this stupid mental illness, migraines, PMS, I might still be there. Of course, that's total self-pity and self-loathing talking. On my own I couldn't make enough to afford the old place--my husband's career was so niche that we never had to advertise! His health issues forced his retirement... and the house we just lost was his 401K.

I missed my martial arts tournament. Had to pack. My reaction was to not eat and run for the shelter of mother's little helper, which resulted in a 12 hour nap. (But I didn't cut! ) Husband wasn't too happy about that, but we've both been quite stressed out and have done our best not to take it out on each other. Though I was quite a bitch for part of the weekend.

Neither my parents nor my husband's sociopath brother know where we live now. That's quite a liberating feeling.

We don't have all of our stuff out of the old place, but all the essentials are gone. If I can get back into the old place, I can grab the rest, which includes a LOT of inventory we can sell for decent money. But at least we can run eBay auctions and get a little cash flow in.

[manuel_moe_g]

My favorite parts: you didn't cut, you have a level of separation with your toxic parents and in-laws. I am super proud of you, moonlightwatie!

[Wren]

Hey Moonlight,

Read your whole story and wow! That's a lot. Great job on not cutting. I feel like I'm always telling someone on here how I relate but...I relate! And man is that tough stuff to battle. Keep up the good work and keep moving forward! I'm rooting for ya!

[moonlightwatie]

Finally started cleaning up a bit more and re-organizing things. LOTS of stuff to take to storage that we really don't need. Thankfully the stuff can be put in the car until I actually have to go into town.

Mr. Watie and I slept on separate floors of our old house for years because of his pain issues. (Sometimes it was too hard for him to climb the stairs in the bedroom.) Now we're sleeping in the same bed again. Kinda nice, actually. )

We're about 500 feet from a train track, and we hear trains throughout the day. This makes me happy because I love trains. At the old place, we used to hear military planes from time to time, which at first made me think fondly of DW but the past few months they were a painful reminder of his betrayal and the loss of that friendship. Nice to have that little sense memory thingie out of the way.

I lost weight over the move 'cause I barely ate. On the bright side, as most of my shorts are dirty, I can fit into a smaller pair of my husband's sweats. Turns out I did more of his laundry than I did mine before the move. Today I'll wash some stuff including more shorts. It's been in the 100 degree range all week here. Thank goodness this trailer has good A/C!

Woke up with a migraine today. Figured it was going to happen soon, given the heat and where I am in my womanly cycle. So, SO grateful to have the proper meds for that, 'cause boy do they work!

Ooh, time to do laundry!