Hey, hey, hey, hey

[kirkpatrick]

I am just a pathetico at the whole "introduction" paragraph in any form: websites, resumes, dating places, or even just trying to get my kids to acknowledge me.

The stats: I'm a guy in his early forties with BPI with a side order of cancer. I've got a couple of kids in their teens who are better people than I'll ever be. I"m divorced and lived in alone with just my son (which is just so cool). All the pain meds and the psych meds are making "reality" a difficult concept for me right now. Even thought I'm very leery about the idea of hanging out on a website (they do so bring out the best in people), particularly one populated by "interesting people", I think I've just gotten to a place where the need to share and listen is overwhelmingly important. I'm really tired of being alone with all of this. Who knows, maybe I'll even be able to help someone else.

I feel like I should put other stuff down, important, insightful things that cause people to say all sorts of supportive caring things, but the truth is, I really just not that interesting.

Just want to reiterate a handy "Hello".

Thanks everyone.

[RisingUpAgain]

Welcome to the site Kirk. How are the pain and psych meds making "reality" a difficult concept?

This is a warm place, where I don't think you will find many trolls.

[kirkpatrick]

Thanks Rising. As far as the meds go, its always a bad time to be swapping psych meds, especially when trying to get a handle on a burgeoning mixed episode. And I've been on opiates for over a year. Sure they're fun at first, but multiplied by the psych meds, I get a feeling of disconnect from the world. Its one of the reasons that most mental health professionals won't try to treat the underlying mental illness until the person is sober. Its so important to be able to check and see how you feel when you have bipolar, its the primary way to keep track of it. But now, I more or less feel the same all day, every day, although I can look back at my behavior and notice certain behaviors, spending, starting multiple projects, a million and one ideas going through my head, other people saying how recently I've been really irritable and rambling super fast. Its like trying to diagnose from the outside in.
I've hardly ever used a therapist much outside of learning basic behavioral controls, CBT, breathing, etc. But recently I've been seeing one just so someone on the professional side can look at me and listen, take notes, and give me a heads up. It also helps to augment what I'm getting from my psychiatrist as I don't see him as often as I'd like.
So, since I can't work, (with all the meds and pain, i usually can't even drive), I spend most of my days sitting around stoned on my meds. It was kind of fun for the first week or so, but I just want to be sober and without mind numbing pain. (I"m taking all meds as prescribed. Its just that there are a lot of pain meds due to the tumor.)
This is what I'm was talking about when I mentioned feeling disconnected.

Thanks again.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello kirkpatrick, welcome to the forum. Hope you can use this as a resource in this time where you are laid up and struggling with your meds. Please take care, all the best, we here are cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow!

[irrationalpersist]

Welcome, Kirkpatrick! I am also relatively new here and finding my feet. It is a very different community, where everyone is so open about their mental and emotional struggles. It sounds like you have a full plate! Stick around, I'm sure you will find some points of connection and possibly some comfort as you face your challenges.

Healing vibes,

IP

[RisingUpAgain]

That sounds tough man. My heart goes out to you. I hope the talks with the professional help. Do you have any hobbies that you can do during your days?