List of things I am powerless ovr in my abusive relationship

[vampedvixen]

I'm working the 12 steps over this particular issue, the first one being that I admitted I was powerless over (in this instance a person, mainly my ex) and that my life had become unmanageable because of this. It's hard admitting a lot of these things because I've tried to control them in the past-- smooth things over, make things better, heal the relationship and in the end just make people see his public face versus private face and stop victim blaming me (which, hey, they didn't! because I don't fucking control that). I'm trying to accept that even though people will tell me that I deserved it, I didn't. And even though I thought if I tried one laaaaast time, it would work-- it never would.


THINGS I AM POWERLESS OVER:

I am powerless over the fact that our relationship ended.

I am powerless over what he, his friends and his family think of me (THIS IS A BIG ONE!).

I am powerless over the fact that he has sold his house and he is moving to Florida which means I will probably never see him again.

I am powerless over the fact that I gave too much in the relationship and it was unbalanced.

I am powerless over the fact that I was physically, verbally and emotionally abused.

I am powerless over the fact that his house was filled with black mold and might have been why I got sick with the tumor in my stomach and why I'm now in medical debt.

I am powerless over the feeling of being abandoned.

I am powerless over the fact that I will never get to know what he “just wanted to talk to me about” that one last time (when my friends went to go pick up my stuff from his house, they didn't want me to come so they picked up my things for me-- he told them he just wished he could talk to me but at the time it didn't seem like a good idea, but it'll always be in the back of my mind).

I am powerless over the fact he lied about me and spread rumors about me.

I am powerless over the fact I had to pay to go to court when he tried to control me with a restraining order-- even though the charges were eventually dropped it still cost me a lot.

I am powerless over the fact that I saw MANY red flags in the beginning and I ignored my instincts.

I am powerless over the fact people use me, spit me out and go on and live wonderful lives. Karma doesn't work.

I am powerless over the fact that we will never get married like he promised.

I am powerless over the fact that we will never have kids together even though we already named them.

I am powerless over the fact that he screened positive for bipolar but didn't keep his promise to go see a doctor.

I am powerless over the fact that I will probably never speak to him again and that he doesn't want me in his life.

I am powerless over the fact that the good times I remember with him are all over; no more trips or sunsets, laughing together or just quiet nights snuggling in front of the television.

I am powerless over the fact that even though he was an abusive dick, I still fell in love with him and still miss him.

I am powerless over the fact that every time I see something that reminds me of him, I want to call him but can't.

I am powerless over the fact that he was right when he called me crazy and broken because I have depression and am pretty fucking nuts.

I am powerless over the fact that it wasn't hard for him to move on and I'm still stuck hurting.

I am powerless over the fact that a part of me is still waiting and will probably be waiting forever for the apology that will never come.

I am powerless over the fact that he never listened to me.

I am powerless over the fact that he didn't try as hard as I did and yet everything was still all my fault according to him and his friends.

I am powerless over the fact that he walked away telling himself that he was the victim.

I am powerless over the fact that nothing I did to hold onto the relationship, mend it and heal it worked.

[manuel_moe_g]

Some of these you don't have power over today, but could develop power in the future, i.e."I am powerless over the feeling of being abandoned"

Sometimes your past experience is a faulty guide to your actual capabilities.

Please take care, we care about you, we here are cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow.