RIP Mr. Watie, 1962-2014

[manuel_moe_g]

Chronic pain is a monster. Poor Mr. Watie. Poor you. I am thinking of you, moonlightwatie. You are being asked to be strong, and it isn't fair. Please please please take care and be strong and self-loving in your coping. Someday your coping will turn to flourishing. Poor you. You don't deserve this pain.

[moonlightwatie]

I've been getting so much love from so many people that it has helped in many ways.

I have recently adopted a dog for the first time... a puppy named Coz who was most likely abandoned a couple weeks ago. The friends I'm staying with have been reluctantly fostering him because he gets along with the girl puppy they have that's a similar age. But we're getting them both fixed and "friendzoning" them as soon as it's appropriate. Having a dog is an interesting experience.

Still, he's gone and it sucks. His best friend (CGM) misses him too. We're the two that feel the loss most profoundly in terms of emotion. We both hate waking up alone and haven't been sleeping well.

I've also been going to class, which really helps.

I really need to start eating more. You'd think the mary jane would help. lol. And it's not even the anorexia screaming at me not to eat. I just can't muster up the gumption to eat. I've been treating myself to comfort food but not too much junk. I need to stay healthy, but I've got some weight to put back on. I've lost like 2 inches in belt size in the past month. I'm just not weighing myself right now because I don't want the anorexia triggered.

I treated myself to my first Potter-geek clothing due to a sale: A shirt that says "Hogwarts Alumni" and Slytherin pants. (Pottermore sorted me into Slytherin, much to my surprise. Mr. Watie was sorted into Hufflepuff. Is he my Cedric? lol)

I need to start going to bed but again I hate waking up alone. Being on my own feels a little like it did when I spent a semester away, but I know more than I did 18 years ago. I feel prepared for the journey ahead, but it still sucks having to live it.

[moonlightwatie]

Been eating & sleeping a little more.

Two weeks today. I don't like Mondays anymore. Mr. Watie died on one... and that used to be the day we'd take off when we worked together.

With some luck I'll get Mr. Watie's ashes and whatever he had on him minus his clothes this week. I need that so I'll stop thinking this is a bad dream or he's playing a trick on me. He. really. is. gone.

[manuel_moe_g]

Stay strong. Life is hard on the caregivers.

[TinaMarie1234]

I have been wondering about you and hoping that you have been hanging in there.

[moonlightwatie]

Five and a half weeks.
I'm getting used to life without him.
The friends I'm living with have become my new family. My dog has a purpose in helping take care of the outside animals.
I've adopted two young adults as my children. They're old souls who appreciate my dark humor. I had them over for dinner a few days ago, and it was fun. They make me laugh like Mr. Watie used to.

Still miss him. But I should, they say.

[Omniel]

I'm so sorry, I'm just now seeing your thread. I want to say how sorry I am for your loss.

Every emotion you have is RIGHT for the indefinite future. I can't even imagine what you're going through and still able to function? You are stronger than I.

Mr. Watie is my age, I was born in 1962 also.

And please don't feel the need to rush to do something with his things or be over the grief - you will miss him forever. For now, you will think of him all the time and miss him, be mad at him, cry for him.....but one day you'll go to bed and realize you didn't cry that day. Then another day you'll laugh about something you remembered he said. It'll take a long time for that to happen but I promise you it will.

[moonlightwatie]

Eleven weeks. Nearly 12.
A lot of Mr. Watie's stuff has been sold, but lots remains. Somehow I have to get the money together to afford a smaller storage space for my stuff, and ditch the rest of Mr. Watie's.
I'm in the middle of a full-time Nanny gig. Taking care of the 4 kids that belong to the friends I'm living with while their parents (my friends) are traveling for work.
The two high school kids are fine. Fun, in fact. We play Cards Against Humanity, which is full of awfulsome things.
The 3 year old isn't too bad. If he were properly potty trained, that would be even better.
The six-year-old is an asshole. She admitted that she's not listening to me because a)she misses her parents, and b)because Mr. Watie is dead. The former can be understood, the latter makes me want to strangle her.
All 4 of them have been sick over the past two weeks. Ugh. They got me sick too. Thankfully I just got the cold, not the pinkeye, tonsilitis, upper resperatory infection, and middle ear infection that's been circulating the house.

On the bright side, I found a local grief support group. I'm by far the youngest in the group, but it's comforting to be around people who get it.

Time for speech therapy class for the youngest.

[Cinnamon]

I realize some people will get cranky with me for this but are serious?
You are a "nanny" or playing at one and you actually feel a 6 year old is an asshole?
and you think she can't tell how you feel? if you think you are hiding it, then try listening to even one podcast about how adults impact kids in their care.

A six year old needs and deserves to have a caring and generous hearted adult who sees their good be around them, be in charge. Study after study shows - if you are thinking the kid is an "asshole" she will respond that way and it becomes a pattern.

If you are just joking, its not funny, actually.
And if you are not joking and serious, so is the potential for harm.
Your need for money is not more important than a child.

The six-year-old is an asshole. She admitted that she's not listening to me because a)she misses her parents, and b)because Mr. Watie is dead. The former can be understood, the latter makes me want to strangle her.

???

[moonlightwatie]

That was frustration talking. Mind you, I'm in the middle of mourning. Sorta clouds everything.