I am a 30-year-old and struggle with depression and anxiety. I already feel like this post is going to be crap. Oh well. Bear with me!
I just start listening to the podcast a month or so ago, and really identify with a lot of the guests.
My mother is a narcissist, an alcoholic and a drug addict. She abused me emotionally and physically until I finally learned to set boundaries at around 25. I'd love to cut her out of my life completely, but don't feel like I can.
My father was emotionally distant as a child, but our relationship has improved greatly over the past several years.
My parents divorced when I was 11 after my father had an affair (he's now married to his mistress, who was my mother's best friend and my best friend's mother, which didn't make things any easier). Shit really hit the fan at that point. They loved to use my sister and I as pawns in their battle against each other, my mother more than my father. To this day, almost 20 years later, my mother has still not moved on.
I have had full-blown depressive episodes in the past, my worst around 24, when I spent almost a year in my basement playing video games as a form of escape. When I got suicidal I got help: got therapy and onto meds, which I am still on today as I find they help me function more normally.
I have a good life: great husband, two cats, close family (besides my mother), good job... but I still find I struggle with depressive thoughts. I understand intellectually where everything comes from, that it's wrong, but I still can't help it. Feeling like I should start therapy again as it's been getting worse over the past six months, probably because I've been more stressed out than normal. I want to stop being afraid of making decisions and making mistakes, to allow myself to be more vulnerable, and to allow myself to feel confident and like I am not such a fuck-up. I've come leaps and bounds in my recovery over the past half-decade, but still have so far to go!
Nice to meet you all
Thanks for listening to my ramble.
