Mom and a wife to the spectrum

[zipper]

Hey -

I'm the mom of a 10 year old high-functioning boy with autism. He mainly struggles with focusing on the outside world, spending most of his time thinking about video games. He's a brilliant, sweet, empathetic boy with a whole bunch of quirks. I spend countless hours each month battling red tape trying to get him the therapy services he deserves. Insurance, Medicaid, Disability, SSI, school headaches, and recreational activities. And none of that is cheap. Ugh.

I've been with my husband for 18 years, married for almost 15 years. He always had his quirks, too, but I didn't have a word for it until my son was diagnosed. He has many of the "classic nerd" Aspergers symptoms. Sensory issues, can't handle interruptions/transitions well, has trouble paying attention, doesn't remember what we talk about, struggles being romantic and thoughtful for me, etc.

I have struggles being patient and understanding with my husband and his struggles with his symptoms. I think about the kind of wife and girlfriend I'd hope for my son to have, and I'm NOT that kind of wife to my husband. I feel cheated about romance, birthdays, gift giving, etc. He doesn't "get me" and he never will. I am often so impatient with my husband, and spend days being angry and holding dumb grudges over stupid, petty shit. Argh!

I often just want an equal partner to help me handle our 4 kids and our house, instead of feeling like he's a 5th kid I have to take care of. We dated briefly and I got pregnant after just a few months in college. We were babies, I was wrapped up in lust, and we certainly didn't know anything about Aspergers.

I am not looking for a way out. The good times are good. We have great kids, and we're looking at what life might be like after our kids leave the house.

He says he loves me, and definitely loves our kids. He works and financially supports our family. We are safe, we have a home, and we have enough.

I need more patience and empathy.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello zipper, welcome to our little forum! And welcome to all the threads here, can't wait to read more of your posts.

Please be easier on yourself. You have a right to your feelings about not having your needs met. Unfortunately, with your husband on the Aspergers/Autism spectrum, you will have to communicate straightforwardly and persistently about your important needs, which is a drag and can feel unnatural.

Sometimes you will hold a grudge - nobody is perfect. In a self-loving way, you are slowly guiding yourself toward more capable and positive responses.

I myself have been professionally diagnosed as being on the Aspergers/Autism spectrum, and life is often hard.

Please take care, all the best, we here are cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow.