If life begins at 40, then it ends at 39...

[manuel_moe_g]

Trains _are_ majestic. Thanks for keeping us posted about your move. Give our best to Mr. Watie!

[moonlightwatie]

Robin Williams did the Sunday night suicide thing four weeks after Mr. Watie did it.
I still am grateful to Mr. Watie for sparing me from finding him or identifying him. You see, he went back to the house we lost and did it there. Quite a "fuck you" to my parents.

Speaking of them, I called them today.
It didn't go that well, but they tried to a)let me talk and b)try to blame me as much as possible for the consequences of their shitty communication skills. At least I can get some stuff back that we had to leave behind. Or so they say now.

I have "soul children" now--friends who truly are young enough to be my kids. SD and his partner, CS. CS turned 18 on Tuesday so the three of us went to have sushi to celebrate. They are two old souls for sure. They call me Watie instead of Moonlight. I like it, because I'm damn honored to have been Mrs. Watie for 14 years.

[manuel_moe_g]

Please take care, moonlightwatie. So glad you have good friends to lean on.

[moonlightwatie]

I had to cut out an acquaintance from my life because he's ignorant and creepy.
Ignorant= Opening a can of beer while I'm driving, putting a box on its side after I repeatedly told him not to AND the box was clearly labeled "This Side Up."
Plus the amount of time he says his wife's been dead has changed. He has no real job, yet when his teenage son was kicked out of the school district, he shipped him off to live with his sister instead of moving somewhere else or trying the charter school that isn't tied to the district.

The final straw was when left a very creepy message on my voicemail that started out with: "I just want to wish you sweet dreams. It was great hanging out with you today..." I hit delete because my skin was starting to crawl. I figured the best course of action was immediate radio silence.
A few days later, I get another voicemail message that says something like, "You haven't answered my calls or messages. That's rude. You can forget you ever knew me. I'm sorry if I annoyed you. You won't hear from me again." Drama, much?

Two weeks later, I get a text from him that says "Huh". I deleted it.
A week ago, I got a few texts: "I have some good Mary Jane", "What's wrong?" and "Hey call me." All ignored.
I now have an app on my phone that will put his texts into a "spam filter" so I don't have to see them unless I check the filter. All his calls already go to voicemail.

Plus, the "Man of the House" here is kinda passive-aggressive and it pisses me off. Note in the laundry room: "Please wash all colored clothes in cold. Propane is expensive."
Yesterday, I was eating breakfast in the living room right as him and his wife were going to leave for the day (kids were with Grandma). He turns off the TV and puts the remotes in his bedroom. Not a word to me about it. Is it that hard to even give me a plausible white lie as to why you're treating me like a grounded teenager?

I know he's stressed because money is tight. His older kids say he's always moody during the holidays because he can't give them a Norman Rockwell Christmas.
Well, he was the one who got fired from a project because he decided to play a practical joke on the second day that security did not find amusing. So instead of both of them working, it was just his wife. He hardly ever asks me for things, he just expects people to read his mind or he has his wife speak for him. That drives me nuts. So I spend most of my time in the trailer. I help out with dishes, trash, homework, and "Mom Taxi" duties still. But if you want me to look after YOUR youngest child after I've done it for two months? You have to ask.

What really gets me is that I could have been working full-time right now, but I had to delay my job search for all of September and October because I was raising his kids for him. I got about $150 from them for 8 weeks of work. All that money went towards buying things for the house and animals. A little of it went into my gas tank. I sold some of Mr. Watie's things during the nanny gig, and pretty much all of it went to buying things like training pants, animal food, Halloween costumes, and rewards for the older two because they were helping with the younger two. My internet got turned off because I didn't have the money, and I was also late with my car insurance payment to boot!

To his merit, he fixed my alternator and put my tire back on when I lost all the lug nuts and it came off (thankfully at slow speed on a dirt road). He was paid back for the alternator. Took a few days longer than I'd wanted, but I did give him a little more than what he paid for the alternator.


TKD used to be great, but I'm getting quite annoyed with one of the other instructors. He's just coming off as an arrogant asshole.
I did my best to ignore him when a kid has his belt around his neck and he said it was a noose RIGHT AFTER MY HUSBAND DIED.
More recently, I answered a question he asked the class, but he said I was wrong. He then proceeds to rephrase my answer as part of his answer. He asked for a ride to class, and canceled when I was 7 minutes away from his house, which was a bit of a detour for me. He's higher up than I am, so I have to feign respect. Kinda puts a damper on going to class.

Yeah, I'm rambling and venting. Trying to write all this off as things I can't change.

[moonlightwatie]

A friend pointed out something about the aforementioned "Man of the House"--he's most likely jealous that his two teenagers like me more than they like him.
Well, I'm not an asshole to them!

[moonlightwatie]

Fuck this. I'm not going to heal here.
Man of The House reminds me too much of my parents. The trailer I'm living in reminds me too much of losing Mr. Watie, because he spent the last two weeks of his life here.

Looking into housing resources within my county.
Yeah, I could go back to the general area I was raised in and live with relatives, but to me, that's a last resort.

The Potter Geek in me wants to quote from the 3rd movie: "Anywhere is better than here."

I know the teenagers are going to be sad about this, but I need to put myself first. Besides, I'm not saying anything until I have a place to go. . . and a place to store my stuff.

[moonlightwatie]

On the 5th, I rented storage space and put a few things into it.

On the 6th, I went into the main house to put an ice pack back in the freezer... and there was a padlock on the fridge/freezer. No communication to me whatsoever about it. So I started packing stuff up, changed my address to the TKD school's, and managed to find a couch to sleep on. I later talked to the Woman of the House to tell her I would be moved out by Monday. I replied to her query of "what's wrong" with "the lock on the fridge." She explained that the lock was for the youngest kid, because her husband freaked out after WIC (special food program for kids below 5) said he's borderline overweight. He's done the lock thing before with the other kids. She pretty much said, "Yeah, I'm sorry my husband can be an asshole."

On the 7th, I said my good-byes to the teenagers. Three of my students saved my bacon by helping me move stuff into storage on a moment's notice. My TKD family really is family!

On the 8th, I moved my printer to my TKD school and managed to shoehorn my dresser and CD cabinet into storage by myself.
I finally informed the Man of the House that I was leaving. He owned up to being an asshole. He also pretty much said he had been ignoring me because he didn't know how I'd react if he talked to me about things that were bothering him. The theory that he was jealous his kids like me more than him was validated by his roundabout accusation of me trying to undermine his parenting status. I'm able to store stuff in the trailer for the time being because I don't have enough room for what's left in storage nor the money to pay for a second space. I arrived safely at my new temporary housing, and relaxed for the first time in weeks.

On the 9th, I went back to my now-former home, got some mail and took a shelving unit to PM, Mr. Watie's best friend. PM and I are kinda sorta more than friends. So far just a lot of kissing, and a little indulgence in our kinky sides. His kids are around most of the time, which makes us both paranoid of getting caught. PM's been separated from his wife for over a year (with plans to divorce), so it's not like we're doing anything wrong. His kids will tell their Mom if they find out, and she'll use it as an excuse to yell at PM. PM's the monogamous sort and I'd rather go the polyamory route, so a serious relationship isn't in the cards. For now, it's nice to have someone to kiss and flirt with on occasion. I was supposed to visit today, but I'm getting sick, and I didn't want to get PM sick too.

I get to stay where I am for awhile, which is good. I added some groceries to the cupboards, and helped with the mountain of dishes left from Thanksgiving. The people here are nice and welcoming.

I'll spend about a week with family, and then I'm coming back up here. I've been job hunting, which will hopefully be easier now that I'm in a more populated area. My goal is to get a job and my own place to live within the next few months. We'll see how that goes.

[manuel_moe_g]

Take care, moonlightwatie. You rock!