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Have you talked to your employer about your issues? I hope in the state you live in (but I want to believe it applies federally on anti-discriminatory policies) that you're protected if you tell him you have mental health issues and are on medication. He can't let you go based on the fact that you have side-effects of that--memory loss, fatigue... it's hilarious I'm forgetting the third one considering the first thing I mentioned.
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You're really right about us living in an aggressive and rigid environment: I'm in California, filled with Northern Californian hippies, and I can tell you that it exists even here, and it is all a result of the American Puritan work ethic. It's embedded into us--if we aren't doing "enough" we're a piece of shit. It's not like that in all cultures or countries, I can tell you that much. If you feel unwell in other countries, they're like, "Shit, go rest. You can't be productive if you feel like shit--eat and sleep it off." Logic like that doesn't penetrate to many Americans who haven't experienced any various illnesses, unfortunately.
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But I mean, if they do let you go... I know you want money to help you make ends meet for your family, but just flip them the bird and be determined to find a better work environment, being upfront about your mental illness issues. Not using them as an excuse because that's not what it is--it's "I make mistakes sometimes because of how my mind works, but I will absolutely correct them myself if I don't catch them myself, and please treat me fucking nicely if you point out a mistake, because otherwise you're going to be dealing with an employee who is now a MESS and can't work s well." Basically make it clear that you are absolutely capable of work if the environment is supportive and understanding, because most of us dealing with issues are when we are actively in recovery. Work HELPS recovery when it's a good environment. Again, this might sound tough... I know a lot of American jobs will let you go because they really don't get mental illness--but I guarantee you there's a job environment out there somewhere that will get it.
Also all a kid wants for a long time is for their parents to love them. Hopefully by the time your baby(s?) grow up to the point of more cognizant realization of who they are and who you are, you will be in a better place--and even if you aren't, I can say as a child of a mentally ill mom that we're the most forgiving for your limitations. It gets harder when they get older and if they develop their own issues (like I did), but I still never blame my mom for my problems--I see the whole picture. Even if I'm annoyed at her or frustrated at her, you already do way more than she does--you're reflective, you're in recovery, you're trying, My mom seemed to give up on herself when it came to therapy and that's mostly what annoys me at age 23-going-on-24 and still living with her--I want her to be better. The past stuff is in the past, you know? So just show your kid you care, you love her even if she's loud and exhausting (of course NEVER letting it on too much that she is that), and yes, maybe have that discussion with her when she asks the question.
I hope you're doing well today and improving every day, but don't hate yourself for the setbacks. I'd say you're fighting the fight valiantly; have compassion for yourself. And yay for jogging! Get the endorphin rush from that.
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