What I’ve not genetically inherited (or passed on to my daughters), I’ll attribute to the seriously messed up behavior of my parents and an abusive upbringing. Either parent (both living) appear to have a cocktail of disorders, though intelligent enough to have avoided a situation in which they’d have been seriously evaluated and no doubt diagnosed with something…
The oldest of four siblings, I was constantly hammered with both physical and emotional abuse, fortunately, nothing sexual - guess it could always have been worse, or different
As is, I became a caregiver to my siblings, and seemed to carry that behavior into my adult relationships ...for which I’m apparently a magnet to disfunction.A 30 year marriage with an anxiety plagued wife left me abandoned to finish raising said daughters alone as she ‘moved on.’ Stabilizing, I moved on to a person with BPD (borderline personality disorder) … where only 3 years left me as worn down and battered as 3 decades had with a panic prone wife… A knowledgeable friend noted that I’d ‘married my Mother,’ as my longtime wife and mother share the same degree of anxiety ...as does one of my daughters.
Currently forced to sell my families century farm in order to pay a ‘divorce settlement,’ I’m soon to be homeless and lost. Fear and depression haunt me constantly, and the only thing keeping me alive is my youngest daughter living at home while attending college… I don’t know that misery really enjoys company ..but the many tears I’ve shed while listening to Paul’s interviews, and especially while reading ‘your thoughts and feelings’... you’ve helped me, too - and I’ll thank you both, again.
Passionate, and on the edge ..if I’ve anything to offer, I’ll give it a shot. And after finally finding my forum log-on permission email in my spam file today (a month after submitting) - I can stop being pissed at Paul for ignoring me (though that’s no excuse for him to let up on himself
) ...as I’ve diligently continued to consume his list of programs like ear candy, which may have NPR hurting pretty soon as I question why I’m supporting them ...and listening to The Mental Illness Happy Hour 
...gotta figure out when and how to show my love I guess. - So keep at it my invisible friends, you all count!
), let em! Let em do that hollow stuff, while I view some raw meat - 
And what’s up … yur not all out there doing what society (or a healthy mate) expects of you - and trying to make me feel bad ...are you?
I sometimes wonder if there’s something wrong with me in that I seem to enjoy knowing I’m away from the action, including stuff like Valentines Day, which I honestly didn’t know was happening till posting… It’s like I want whatever happens to be real, not fake or contrived because of some ‘Day.’ I also seem to have an aversion to whatever everyone’s ‘supposed’ to be doing… When it should be done, it will.