My roommate mentioned that he saw the new gf at work and I said I hoped I snagged a millionaire after what happened with me... I was kidding and roommate talking about how he found true love through acceptance and all I wanted was money.. That hurt because I did love and accept him. He told me he loved me too at one point... Then he said he didn't even know if they were happy.
Him being happy hurts me, I feel like he's being rewarded just like my sister in law... It may sound so silly and there is a lot I'm happy about but anything love related can just go away...
Just your run of the mill anxious gal!
-
QuirkyBallerina
- Posts: 22
- Joined: January 13th, 2015, 7:21 pm
- Gender: Female
- Issues: Anxiety, Depression, Obsessive thinking, Anorexia/Bulimia
- preferred pronoun: She
-
LimitedAdventure
- Posts: 50
- Joined: August 3rd, 2014, 7:13 pm
- Gender: M
- Issues: anxiety based depression, toxic shame
- preferred pronoun: he
- Location: Western US
Re: Just your run of the mill anxious gal!
Hi QB, I'm sorry you're still feeling pain. I'm glad to see you're still engaging in self care and you have some plans for both career and your personal life! Good for you!
Feeling that him being happy hurts you is something of a co-dependent thought. Codependents like me have trouble discerning where our feelings end and our partner's begin.
My personal codependency comes from putting up an emotional wall when I was little to protect myself from other people. As a result, I didn't develop the skill of setting boundaries, so as an adult today, I have none. My emotional wall is up, I interact with as few people as possible and stay in my office all day. But if someone approaches and starts an intimate conversation (another codependent might sense neediness and do this), I have no boundaries, and it's game on. I get the emotional, feeling felt feeling that I never got as a kid, and it's soothing. So, I want more of it.
So I am at a codependent point right now with this person who ignored my wall and just started talking to me, and I'm finally understanding it to be the codependent relationship that it is. A good part of my identity is now tied up with this person, and I feel what the person feels. If the person has something bad happen, I feel physically bad for this person. I care deeply for the person, tho, and that's a good thing. But the other, codependent traits of this relationship, are not healthy.
Sorry to go off on a whole thing, here, but this book tells me that one sure-fire way to create a codependent adult is, when they're a child, make sure they don't develop self esteem, and don't engage them on an emotional level. Make sure you never allow them to feel felt. They'll go into adulthood seeking approval, craving emotional engagement, and with no boundaries.
I'm totally mentally fried right now but I just wanted to share that part of what I'm finding out is my story, in case any of it is even close to what you're going through. I'm sorry you're hurting, I'm glad, tho, that you're working your plans, QB!
Feeling that him being happy hurts you is something of a co-dependent thought. Codependents like me have trouble discerning where our feelings end and our partner's begin.
My personal codependency comes from putting up an emotional wall when I was little to protect myself from other people. As a result, I didn't develop the skill of setting boundaries, so as an adult today, I have none. My emotional wall is up, I interact with as few people as possible and stay in my office all day. But if someone approaches and starts an intimate conversation (another codependent might sense neediness and do this), I have no boundaries, and it's game on. I get the emotional, feeling felt feeling that I never got as a kid, and it's soothing. So, I want more of it.
So I am at a codependent point right now with this person who ignored my wall and just started talking to me, and I'm finally understanding it to be the codependent relationship that it is. A good part of my identity is now tied up with this person, and I feel what the person feels. If the person has something bad happen, I feel physically bad for this person. I care deeply for the person, tho, and that's a good thing. But the other, codependent traits of this relationship, are not healthy.
Sorry to go off on a whole thing, here, but this book tells me that one sure-fire way to create a codependent adult is, when they're a child, make sure they don't develop self esteem, and don't engage them on an emotional level. Make sure you never allow them to feel felt. They'll go into adulthood seeking approval, craving emotional engagement, and with no boundaries.
I'm totally mentally fried right now but I just wanted to share that part of what I'm finding out is my story, in case any of it is even close to what you're going through. I'm sorry you're hurting, I'm glad, tho, that you're working your plans, QB!
-
QuirkyBallerina
- Posts: 22
- Joined: January 13th, 2015, 7:21 pm
- Gender: Female
- Issues: Anxiety, Depression, Obsessive thinking, Anorexia/Bulimia
- preferred pronoun: She
Re: Just your run of the mill anxious gal!
I never thought of it that way. I honestly thought I was upset because I still loved ex... and I have that hope we can get back together again one day... so hearing how happy they are means that it won't happen or may not happen for a long time, that bums me out. It's a different way to look at it!!