Moving Anxiety

[TheNotoriousWIG]

So after a series of personal setbacks that forced me to move back in with my parents (I'm 24), today I just booked a flight back to New York City. Living in NYC has been a dream of mine for a while, but I've booked this flight without a job or even housing lined up, and I'm going to have to sleep on a friend's couch for the foreseeable future. I'm so scared, all I can think about is the myriad of things that could go wrong, and that's sending my anxiety into overdrive. Has anyone else dealt with something like this?

[Fargin]

Yeps and it's scary as hell. I'm just made a decision to move and every aspect of it, feels like one potential disaster after another.

My brain has developed a pattern, where I'm always looking for a doomsday scenario and while I know moving is for the better, I constantly have to attempt to control my mind telling me, I will fail and will be stuck in an uncertain situation forever. Thankfully through a lot of therapy, I'm somewhat aware of what my overprotective thoughts are doing to me, but it's hard dealing with a pessimistic mind.

I've kind of accepted that my anxiety is the way I learned to protect myself, which means that my anxiety is kind of coming from a good place. However it's not actually helping me anymore, so I kind of have to become aware of it and put it on the sideline, when I have to get something done. The big difference for me is that, I've become better at accepting that my anxiety is having a limiting effect on my behavior, which means that whenever my anxiety is rising, I no longer tell myself that I'm a coward and a wuss, but I accept that I'm worried and afraid. That it's reasonable to be worried, especially with my past experiences and that seems to have a calming effect on my anxiety. It's still always there, but it's not as dominant as it used to be.

[wd82]

I probably don't have much to add, but I just wanted to endorse Fargin's post 100%, it's spot-on. I couldn't possibly identify with the situation more. It's only with lots of reflection, and sitting with negative feelings that I've been able to realize where my anxiety is coming from, and that it doesn't make me weak or cowardly. It's through embracing your emotions rather than running from them (and lots of therapy) that you can realize these multiple catastrophic scenarios are unlikely to ever occur, and to live in that reality where they are unlikely. The true benefit comes IF one of those scenarios does happen, and through your work and growth you realize it won't last forever, that hurtful times as well as joyful times have an end, and something new awaits you after. Regardless what occurs in your future, it seems like you've made a choice worth sticking with and you will grow from this new adventure. Let us know how things proceed. I'll be sending you positive vibes!

[TheNotoriousWIG]

"My brain has developed a pattern, where I'm always looking for a doomsday scenario and while I know moving is for the better, I constantly have to attempt to control my mind telling me, I will fail and will be stuck in an uncertain situation forever."

I know exactly what you mean. Even in situations where I know they're unlikely, I can never stop these doomsday scenarios from entering my mind and festering.

[ladysquid]

You are in good company. I moved to Brooklyn for the second time 3 years ago after graduating college, moving back home again, then getting another job and moving back yet another time. It was my dream but also my total nightmare. Proceeding with caution, having in stability, avoiding conflict and social interaction...none of that was possible anymore.

Between roommates, having to sublet, to losing tons of money in signing a lease with people that turned out to me shady...living out of a suitcase for 4 months...job hunting...killing my first cockroach, I damn near grinded my teeth to nubs.

It took about 2 years of feeling solid in a steady job, living in a decent place, finally getting that stability I need before my anxiety got under control. Honestly my moving process felt like it went on forever. I thought I would never be able to live and work here successfully but now that I'm doing what I said I would do I'm actually able to give myself credit! I did it and you're effing doing it too. Some people never have the balls or the ovaries big enough to make a decision like moving and chasing a dream.

It's hard but I know it's made me a lot more sure if myself. Like hey, I can make a choice and follow through. I can work through stress. Yeah maybe it involved more alcohol and trips to the bodega for midnight anxiety snacks than I care to admit but goddammit I'm still here and my brain didn't get the best of me. Soon enough you'll be feeling this way too. You can do it!

[Brooke]

Wow, you are so brave! I've fantasized about moving to new cities on my own but could not follow through because I am such a chicken. ladysquid's reply is so inspirational and encouraging. I can't give you advise about this situation, but I can so applaud you for what you are about to do. I'm sure it's going to be very tough until you get settled in, but you are truly brave and deserve every success that's going to come your way!

I wish I was as brave as you in my early 20s. But looking back, the big risks I took in my 20s totally paid off, so keep going after your dreams!