Anxiety, Depression, and Reaching Out

[fearandfreckles]

Hi I'm new here. I struggle with a variety of issues but most recently a massive wave of depression slapped me across the face a couple of days ago and I'm trying to figure out how to navigate it. I've had these ups and downs for many years, and it's resulted in multiple hospitalizations and lots of med cocktails. I don't really know what I'm looking for. Maybe just knowing that there's a safe anonymous place to feel and provide some empathy. That nasty little voice that sabotages my good days told me, "You are going to die sad and alone." Whether truth or not, those words are all I can think about. I'm quickly slipping into all of my unhealthy habits and I feel a sense of doom in the pit of my stomach. I'm trying to use distractions, but are there other things people do to fight that suicidal inner dialogue?

[brownblob]

Welcome f&f
Sorry to hear about your struggles. Dealing with depression has been a lifelong struggle for me too. I don't have any great solutions for you. For me, I struggled for years with it and eventually got it under control by trying to change my thoughts. Easier said than done I know and like I said I struggled for years. I eventually tried to change my thoughts telling myself this was not an option. I could wish for a car wreck or a tornado. I could wish I was never born. I would tell myself I have responsibilities right now, but maybe 10 or 20 years from now I'll kill myself. I tried to view the suicidal thoughts as the voice of depression in my head and not my own thoughts. I still have depression but not being suicidal is a relief.
This probably won't help you. All I can say is try to fight allowing the bad habits take over. Losing control to depression is hell. I know Easier said than done.

[fearandfreckles]

Thank you for your reply. And it was helpful. It's good for me to remember that there is a difference between my thoughts and those negative intrusive thoughts. We don't have to buy into them just because they're often the loudest in our heads. I decided that i'm going to try to focus on being outwardly. I work with children so I'm trying to focus my attention on others. Maybe if I can stay out of my own head I will make it through this. However, all of this is contingent on getting out of bed every day. Fighting your own mind is exhausting.