They have decided to "let go"

[Peanut]

While in the hospital after my last suicide attempt, I called my sister. She told me that my entire family got together and decided that they were no longer going to help me. They believed that there were programs out there that could "help" me and that if they continued to help me, that the programs would not help me (I am uninsured). Now that I have moved away from them, I am battling what my role should be with them. I have asked them for forgiveness, and they all said that they forgive me, but some are cold to me and won't speak to me. No one contacts me. I feel as if I've lost my whole family. Like, I have NO ONE who will help me, no one to turn to. I found the following on my sister's facebook page today. It was posted on her page when I was hospitalized: it's a meme that reads: "No, friendship is NOT about "supporting your friends when you know they're wrong" That's not friendship. That's being an enabler That's being an accomplice. Friendship is loving someone enought to tell them to stop being a goddamn idiot before they ruin their lives" My sister commented "I love someone so much that I'm willing to let go". This has me crying my eyes out today. Alone. No Family. Depressed, misunderstood. It doesn't help that my brother passed away from cancer while I was still in the hospital. My life has already been ruined, and I can't believe my sister believes I was being a "goddamn idiot"! Is suicide idiosy? I am crushed! Any suggestions? Should I just let them go? Should I ask my sister about this post? I am trying to find a Counselor/Support Group now, but meanwhile this forum is all I have.

[manuel_moe_g]

First of all, love yourself, you are worthy of love no matter what the mean part of your brain tells you.

The most important thing is that you stay alive. You were born to be alive and to overcome by managing your depression.

Your life is not ruined, you are just in a difficult situation like all of us here in this forum. Please use this forum to stay alive, stay positive, keep improving.

I am not sure if suicide attempts are "idiocy". Maybe they are, maybe they are not. Only you can answer that. I have a fervent wish that you choose to stay alive and choose to not hurt yourself. Please try to be strong.

Ask your sister about the post. Try to keep the lines of communication open.

Please take care. We are cheering for you and for your greatest tomorrow.

[Peanut]

Thank you so much. I have cried a lot, but I did comment "OUCH" under her post.
I am receiving medication and I did call my Psychiatrist because I think Lamictal may be adding to my depression. I have been on it about 6 weeks and I have been more depressed, crying a lot and sleeping 4-5 hours during the day. I think it may be making matters worse for me, and I'm waiting to hear back to see if I can wean off of it. I do take my meds daily for Depression, Anxiety and PTSD.

This just really hit me hard today. I am so grateful for your words of encouragement, for this forum and for the Podcast!

[manuel_moe_g]

Can you get an answer from your sister about the post?

Please take care, so glad to read your reply. All the best, all the best luck in getting your medications straightened out.

[Fargin]

"Ouch" describes what I felt, when I read your post.

I haven't been in your exact situation, but a few years back I reached out to my dad, because I was suicidal and was afraid of what I was going to do. The first thing he said, when he arrived was: "Don't tell your mom or anyone else about it." My family never cut me off, but they always prioritized keeping up appearances of the happy unit.

I don't agree with your sister's definition of friendship and love, if it includes calling suicide attempts idiotic. Suicide attempts are not selfish, They are desperate, hurtful and lonely. I think, I had to realize, I had to start looking for help outside my family, I had to go elsewhere to heal and I started here on this forum too. Today my relationship with my family is much better, but partly because I got outside help, from this community and later from therapy/group.

Please take care, take one day at a time, even the bad days.

[Peanut]

Thank you guys. I have still not heard from anyone except my mother. My niece sent a text wishing me Happy Easter, but that is all. I have commented on one of my younger sisters posts over and over, I have posted on her facebook page that I love and miss her. She tagged me in a photo of her and my mother on Easter at church. I commented what a beautiful picture it was, many others did too. My sister responded to everyone else "Happy Easter" but ignored me. I have hidden her post.

The sister with the original post, hasn't contacted me. She has not commented on my reply on her post. I did not hear from her at Easter.

I am doing better with it now. I have tried to find Support Groups in my area, and thought I found one, but my email was returned to me as undeliverable, so I guess the group has been disbanded.

I am going to try to find some classes to take at the local library. Hoping to make some new local friends. I feel like I have no one in my life.

Have a great evening!

[manuel_moe_g]

Take care, Peanut

[Peanut]

Thank you so much for your replies. I still cry over this and have discussed it with my Therapist. I have recently been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, so of course I began thinking that I was being Over-Sensitive to the post.
I haven't discussed it with my sister, but have been in contact with her and she is loving and caring. I also have contact with my mother and things are going well there. There are still family members who won't talk to me, unless I reach out to them first, but I am doing ok with it. My Psychiatrist and Therapist have recently advised I not have too much contact with my family, until I am feeling better emotionally.
I was hoping to find an ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) meeting near me, but not much luck. So I am starting Al-Anon tomorrow night. So, in my healing attempts I have a great Psychiatrist, A wonderful Therapist, and soon a group to talk to. I'm feeling good, just trying to get this heart of mine to heal. Meds are helping tremendously, too.

I'm grateful for this forum, and appreciate everyone here. I am also very grateful for the Podcast! Thank goodness I'm a fairly new listener so I have many, many episodes to go back to listen too. Thank you Paul Gilmartin for creating such a wonderful Podcast. BTW: I got my Therapist listening to the Podcast too!

Have a great evening everyone!

[manuel_moe_g]

Give yourself a pat on the back for turning a desperate situation around, Peanut. You need and you deserve self-love. The fact that you are doing better is awesome news!

[elgordough]

Wow Peanut, sorry to hear about your family. In my own experience I find that family is usually ill equipped to handle mental illness, suicide, and death. These things bring out the worse in families. But i want to let you know that you are resilient. Think a young tree branch that bends when pulled back. but once you let the branch go, the limb swings back into place, sure some leaves fall off, but the limb is still there. You are there and you are part of the family tree. there is no getting around that. but you are an individual that is part of a collective, and as some branches will bear fruit and flowers and some don't, they are still branches none the less. What I am trying to say is that even though the family does not get what you are going through, you are still capable. Its turning the poison into medicine, because the cure of the disease has an element of the poison in it. So my question for you young peanut is this: "how do you find the positive in your experience and how does this become the foundation for recovery?" it is an answer only you will find and you do not need to tell anyone your answer. When you do recover, and you build strength from this and change, then they will see, it is our actions that speak of forgiveness and change. Good luck Peanut...i wish you strength and wisdom.