The feeling of never being understood

[alwaystrying]

I know it's part of my illness but I constantly feel like I am not understood, and have this unquenchable thirst for being understood. It makes me extremely uncomfortable when I feel like what I have said has come across wrongly. I end up trying to continuously dig deeper into what I have said to explain further what I mean and I look up and everyone's staring at me because they already knew what I meant from the start. Now I just look crazy. I want people to think of me as a sensible, smart and grounded person. On the outside I think I hold that up well (sort of, hopefully) but on the inside I am just a puddle of sad experiences and stupid emotions. I have had my words twisted my entire life and i feel like this may be a big part of my problem.

Tonight is really hard because I had a past argument with an old friend bought up in conversation and the memories just came back. It was such a misunderstanding and resulted in this person not being friends with me anymore, or involving themselves with our friendship group and outwardly telling people that I was the reason, and that they should let him know if I ever disappear so that he may come back to our friendship group. To be fair this person was/is being heavily manipulated by their partner (who is also not my biggest fan) and while I know this, it is still hard. The fight started over a hair straightener that I sold to this friend's partner that never gave me any money, and didn't talk to me for a month or so after I'd handed it over. I thought, I'll see her again, so she can just pay me whenever. But I didn't and the moment arose where I needed one. I simply asked for it back as she had never paid me for it. This was blown so out of proportion and many stories were spread through my friendship group about the incident. I feel like my friends like me less as a result or think secretly that I am awful for doing this. I won't lie I was mad with this partner for never paying me and taking advantage of my kindness and that was part of my wanting it back but I never projected this to her or made it apparent. I can't sleep because I feel so shit about the fact that about 8 months ago I was misunderstood and it seems to have caused so much of a problem. I haven't even spoken to either of these people since and it still hurts to think about. Anyone else ever feel this way?

[NeverBeenMyself]

I feel like this often. I tend to overexplain in an attempt to be understood exactly how I meant to be. But I end up sounding neurotic instead. And I also have suffered social consequences as a result.

I'm so sorry that I don't have any advice for you. But just wanted to share that you're not the only one who experiences this.