postcards from the fun city of depression!

[paint_it_black]

Hi there,

I just discovered this podcast in January or February of this year (I think) and have been binge-listening to it because hearing about others' problems gets me out of my head and damn do I appreciate not having to think about my own shit. I'm still only about halfway through and am so so very appreciative of Paul and all that he's done. I wish I found it sooner, it could have helped me earlier. So hello there forum from a US lady who has had depression for over half her life (I'm 37, I think it started somewhere around 11 or 12, but I didn't start therapy until 28 and taking meds until I was 29). In addition to depression (with major episodes, unipolar) and anxiety, I also do the whole list of extracurriculars: suicidal ideation, rumination, negative self-talk, self-hatred, body hatred, comfort eating and what is probably borderline alcoholism. Oh yeah and I have a tiny parrot I adore and pretty tattoos. That's the short version. Ugh this is so awkward.

So cheers, all.

PS: Hope we are allowed to swear around here. Whoops.

[Millibee]

Hi, I am new here too.

I can relate to a lot of this, particularly the early onset and not getting treatment until my 20s.

Nice to meet you.

Millie

[AsterSaysHi]

Ahhh, the fun city of depression. Have visited that place often, actually lived there for quite a few years!
I'm also new to this forum, having got onto the podcast a few months ago. Trying to hear and listen to others as a way of breaking through the hopelessness and negative self belief. I have a very 'normal' and functioning life, yet I struggle with suicide ideation and depression mostly alone.
Anyway, stay safe and connected newbies.
Thanks,
Aster

[paint_it_black]

Hi all and particularly Aster and Millie,

I posted my intro then got all anxious and didn't return til now, haha. Not gonna lie but it feels great to have 2 (2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) people reply who say they know what its like.

Cheers!
PIB

[Imissmysun]

Hi!

This city is my life -

I go to work and I get stuff done but my whole mind my feelings my thoughts are all viewed through the lense of depression -

I have been in the dark hole of suicide land - I have stared at it very hard and never actually tried but I often fantasize about driving off an overpass or into a pole on a snowy day - I think about jumping of of high heights (mind you I have vertigo like a booger but the ideation of the fall that is like art) - and its not even to try to wake other people up to my existence its that I am tired of being a physical being some days - I am in my head so much that my body feels like a dead weight that just doesnt fit

I feel like I am leaving little pieces of myself all over this forum its scattered like my thoughts that are never cohesive and easy to follow -

Anyway I am being selfish you are welcome here - I am glad you shared and I know how validating it is to know that others understand you and get you.

That your feelings are not something you should just be able to 'get over' Jesus if it was that easy then we all would have done it!

Oh! and I am new here too I am just a blabbermouth - I like to write and I like to try to help others - it helps me make sense of why my life has been a long series of yuck....

[AsterSaysHi]

Sorry I dropped off.
Hit a point of just holding it together and was scared to talk to people for fear of hearing and seeing what I was really thinking. Just put the blinkers on and went through the motions of each day.
I've now set a few mini goals for myself with a little bit of positive thinking and hope that I can be different.
I really would love to have a support group to be a part of so I dont feel like such a loser loner freak, but there are no such things where I am, so I will find other ways of growing.
I hope you are all doing ok.
Aster

[Imissmysun]

hi!

I totaly get the desire to find a support group - and I have been kind of doing that here with the thread to post your own journal - I write something just about every day and people are free to comment and encourage and offer suggestions and it has helped me have a couple of breakthroughs that I hadn't had yet -

If you journal or ever had or thought maybe you would like to it is a really good to get stuff out I have found it really helpful beyond normal journalling because you get outside perspective as well - it allows you to think through your stuff and get out of your head at the same time -

[Sky_girl]

Hello
I understand how you feel. I just found this forum. I take it one day at a time and am glad to meet you and wish much healing on the road many of us travel together yet never know that.