New user, full of anxiety, self destructive tendencies

[DelorisInside]

Hi.

I am trying new ways to deal with my anxiety and depression. I have self medicated for years with alcohol and drugs and I'm tired. My anxiety is really spiking lately. It was almost incapacitating on the train to work this morning. I felt sick and full of dread. All i could think about was how much i wanted to go back home and hide under the covers for the rest of today. I didn't. That's a small victory. It's been an ok day at work so i'm off the ceiling for now. It had been a while since i was that panicky. I forgot how terrible it is. I have tried every unhealthy way to deal with it so I thought i would open myself up to something new. Any advice on dealing with crippling anxiety? How about crushing depression? I currently take zoloft and just added well butrin. The meds do seem to keep me from the edge of suicide but i would like to know what it feels like to feel good about my life instead of just barely getting through each day. I seriously count the minutes until I can go home and tune out by watching TV and or drinking too much.

[oak]

Hello and thanks for posting.

I am not sure if I can offer any advice, but I hope you hang in there.

I am glad you made it through the train drive into work. That is a real accomplishment.

(One of my pet peeves of American English is that there is only one definition for the word "hero". A person who struggles with agoraphobia who walks to the sidewalk is much more of a hero to me than Superman. I wish we had a word for everyday heroism. You demonstrated everyday-heroism today.)

Hang in there. Sorry I can't offer better advice/encouragement.

[Bullwhip]

Im sorry you are going through this,
i would suggest you try to stop the drinking.
i did AA meetings to stop
i also watch a lot of tv after work
i fell barely alive all the time.
its getting so bad i am trying to go find things to do that make me feel better.
watching tv is almost like doing drugs
its just a way to numb yourself.
anyway i feel your pain.
get some help
talk to a therapist or join a group...any group
12 step or not
to get the fuck out of the house
that tv set is not your friend.
i have spent the last 6 weekends in a row watching non stop tv
and its driving me insane.
its such a sad way to live life.

[TinaFeyTurnsMeOn]

The only time I can really get past my anxiety is when I'm doing something I truly enjoy that requires some brain power.

I used to do Photoshops, some of which were incredibly detailed and took hours. The world would fall away, and it was me and the machine and I could breathe and feel good about myself. Recently it's been woodwork. I'm nowhere near skilled, but I've made some small wireless acoustic speakers that required design, and then the woodwork and then the sanding. All that stuff again allowed me to get somewhat zen and get past my anxiety, if only for a while.

I could drink. We've got lots of beers and wine in the house. But, I have to get up in the morning. And... it's expensive. My biggest anxiety is my lack of income. Admittedly, my old version of Photoshop was from a bittorrent, and the wood I use is from pallets I've gotten for free. The amount I've actually spent on the woodwork is less than a case of good beers cost (you know, craft beers, not that swill made by A-B or Coors.)

Find a hobby. Good luck!

[Imissmysun]

Hi!

I am new here as well and I am chatty - so if anything I write is unhelpful or annoying you can ignore it -

While having hobbies is awesome when I am crushed by depression I don't want to do my hobbies - I don't want to do anything - forcing myself to do something just makes that thing a chore - one more thing I *have* to do that day

I find the only thing I can do is breath - just slow down and breath and try to get the feeling to pass - try to bring myself present -

[Imissmysun]

Oh!

And my anxiety loves to reside in my stomach as well -

I had many many days of getting sick and not realizing that it was related to anxiety - that my mental health was affecting my physical health - I had no idea -

I had studied Buddhism and thought a lot about how positive things interconnected and never once took consierable notice about how negative things tend to interconnect as well -

That is why I think it is such a beastly thing to combat and seems like its impossible to overcome - all those things will collect together and that one bad thought gathers another one and another one making a massive anxiety monster -

Thats why it takes time to conquer you have to chip little pieces away

[diaz212]

hmmm honestly i can't give you advice cause i have same problem with you

but i pray for you life

GBU my friends and welcome