Restarting on Medication

[Gianna]

Hi everyone, this is my first forum post! I feel foggy from my anxiety so I hope it makes sense.

I'm diagnosed with GAD, I've been going to therapy for several years. I used to have panic attacks but the last few years it's really been months of being ok, and then a few months of intense constant anxiety. A few years ago I started meds. Lexapro was the first and it was worked well for almost a year. Then I tried other things, to various successes. 6 months ago I weaned myself off meds because I thought it wasn't doing anything anymore and wanted to see how I was really feeling without the meds. I did ok for a while, but about a month ago something triggered the anxiety again and it won't go away. I was trying to deal with it on my own, but decided last week I really really needed help so I went to my new Primary Care Doctor to talk to her.

We decided to try Lexapro again since it's been about a year and a half since I was on it last, and it worked so well at first. She also gave me some Xanax to kind of deal with how I'm feeling right now and in case starting the Lexapro made things worse. Well, the first day I took 10mg of Lexapro and felt terrible. The last few days I've been taking half the dose and don't feel as bad with nausea and uncomfortable feelings, but I think I am feeling even more anxious than I was last week. I've heard this happens sometimes. I don't remember if I tapered up more slowly last time. I tried the Xanax with it (.25 mg) and one didn't help- I took two and it kind of helps.

I'm having such bad cyclical thoughts that I get trapped in and feel so so hopeless. I don't know how I can possibly make it two to three more weeks feeling like this until maybe I start feeling a little better. I'm also worried that the Lexapro won't help this time, and also afraid already that it will stop working if it does ever start working.

Has anyone else restarted a medicine they used to take with success? What are some strategies I can use to get through these awful weeks waiting? I'm having a lot of trouble getting any work done, plus I'm self employed, so double whammy.

Thanks in advance!

[Imissmysun]

Hi!

Firstly, Welcome!

Secondly - I am new to medicine taking and I am fairly new to having any diagnosis of any kind - depression here with it seems anxiety undertones - lovely bouquet of nervosa...

I was on celexa - went off of it cold turkey while pregnant - was an angry hormaonal sick mess - went back on it - felt no change - have been on venlafaxine for a while now - I think it helps take the edge of - I was put on buspirone as well and I have no idea if that helps as well or not - most days I feel kind of ok - with a chance of smiling occasinally - the only thing with the venlafaxine is its a killer to get on and off - I got through the nausea and yuckiness of starting the meds - I really don't want to get off of them - if I miss one day I know IT immediately because the withdrawal is awful -

Anyway, some of my coping mechanisns that are healthier than dissassociating (which is my go to) is journaling here, meditating - and I just started going to the gym daily - and taking yoga and piyo classes weekly - just focusing on breath really - and going to my therapist weekly! Very important to keeping my head -

Hope this helps

[Gianna]

Thanks Imissmysun!

I'm trying to keep on moving along until it hopefully starts working, but I keep dwelling on whether it will work and how I am feeling (and other thoughts). I took venlafaxine at one point too and it worked ok. It's just I think the lexapro worked the best last time and I'm hoping it will work again. My thoughts are trying to keep me locked in my head circling around the same thought over and over again, like I'm going to come to some kind of revelation and be fixed! It's very frustrating.

[Imissmysun]

Thats the crud part of this problem is that getting yourself out of that loop seems impossible -

Deep breath and think is this something I have any control over - answer - no
Will worrying about it change the outcome - answer - no
If it doesn't work are there other options - yes
In the meantime are their non medical options for me to try - yes

then make a list of things to try - give them at least a week of straight follow through - one of my favorite apps for this is called Superbetter - it makes setting goals more of a game where you can level yourself up - like you are a video game character -

Just food for thought - also just meditating and letting the anxious thoughts float away (maybe find a guided meditation) -

My therapist suggests that when I start to feel panicked to bring myself to the present - make myself list 5 things I can see at that moment - 5 things I can hear - 5 things you can feel with your toes or fingers (or the cloth you are wearing) - 5 things you can smell - she says this gets you out of the panic feeling and gets your focus elsewhere and gets you more grounded and present - it helps

[Gianna]

Update, I guess.
It's been four weeks on the lexapro. Around week three things started feeling a little different. Instead of having full blown anxiety, I just felt depressed. This lasted a few days. Then the anxiety started up again. Today I feel kind of anxious but mostly depressed and like I can't get anything done. I am just on the internet reading things that people have written and trying to make myself feel better. I went to the doctor again today, and she decided to up my dose to 20mg (from 10) to see if that helps. I am starting that tomorrow. I have an appt with a psych doctor in three weeks, because the gp doctor says this is too complicated for her (I agree, it's just hard to get an appt with the psych doctor).
I just feel really blah and having a hard time concentrating. I wish I had something to look forward to. I am trying to get through each day until it is time to sleep but there's nothing that I'm waiting for or looking forward to. I'm really hoping that when I get to see the psych doctor we can figure out something that works for me because right now this is not working. I thought as long as I could get the anxiety under control things would get better, but even though I am less anxious things seem too hard/impossible.
I've decided I want to get a part time job because I am self employed and usually I have a part time job for the steady income, but I haven't in a few months. I was doing okay at first, but then this episode hit so I am not really able to work on my own stuff that great. BUT, it's really hard for me to even apply to part time jobs right now.