brownblob

[rivergirl]

I'm sorry about your blackberries and continued low mood, brownblob. How did your appointment go? It's so hard waiting to see if a medication will work. I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

rivergirl

[Beany Boo]

brownblob,

Good morning

Low huh? Yeah.

[brownblob]

I've been down the last week. I've been working a lot and I've made a couple of mistakes the last week. My brain just can't seem to focus and my judgement is off I guess. I'm feeling hopeless about getting better. I really don't even have the energy to post. I've been lazy just laying around all day.

[Imissmysun]

You are not lazy brownie... that's our old friend depression it steals your actions.... it sings to you that your bed is the best place for you to cycle through all the negative thoughts... that exhausts you more than running a marathon would. Be kind to yourself...

[brownblob]

I liked Maddy's episode. I don't relate much to her story, but I did relate to how she talked about wanting to be invisible. I've been trying to be invisible my whole life.
I've been in a low place the last two weeks. I've just got a feeling of overwhelming hopelessness. I don't want to post a bunch of negative crap though.
When I listen to the podcasts, I feel less alone, but at the same time I don't know these people so there is a sadness when the episode is over and I have to return to my world of aloneness. To a certain extent I think I live vicariously when I listen to someone's story or read a biography, because I've had such a small life and I get to experience life through someone else. Sad. I know.

[rivergirl]

Hey brownblob,
I really relate to a couple of things you wrote. I learned to try to be invisible to avoid provoking anger while growing up. Later in school I think at times I actually started to believe I was invisible and would feel startled if someone spoke to me. Also relate to feeling sad when an episode of the podcast is over.

I'm sorry you're in such a low place still and wish I knew what to say to help. I've been hanging out in that place myself too much recently.

You're not invisible here & I'm sending you a hug.

rivergirl

[brownblob]

Listened to Meghan P's 2nd episode. For some reason, I'm always fascinated with the stories of people who lose control to mental illness and people who end up hospitalized. I don't know the whole reason, but i guess it has to do with my own history of hospitalizations and inability to talk about it with anyone.
I was listening to NPR the other day and they had a couple of interesting stories about mental illness. They had a story about a town in Belgium that takes in mentally ill people. Their church is named for the patron saint of mental illness and for centuries the mentally ill have gone there and been taken in by townspeople. It was just a neat story about acceptance.
The other story was about a guy with asperger's who received experimental EMDR treatments. The results were only temporary, but he was completely overwhelmed by emotions he otherwise didn't feel or understand in others. He ended up getting divorced, because his wife was depressed and he couldn't handle it once he could feel her pain.
I don't know that any of this means anything, but it's just what's on my mind tonight.

[rivergirl]

Hey there Brownblob,
I heard the story about the town in Belgium a few weeks ago, and I felt glad that such a place exists, and also a bit of longing. Perhaps I'm idealizing what the town is like somewhat, but it sounds wonderful to be in a place where those suffering from mental illness are accepted even if they behave differently at times. I think it would relieve some of the pain and isolation of mental illness just to not have to try to hide one's illness from others. It also sounds more healing to be treated as part of a family and community rather than placed into a separate facility of some kind.

I hope you're having a relaxed evening.

Take care,

rivergirl

[Imissmysun]

I find mental illness and its layers just as fascinating - I have never experienced psychosis nor have I been hospitalized - I come together outwardly as a fairly well functioning person I don't exhibit a lot of trademark "mentally ill" qualities other than being kind of quiet and chronically melancholy - (people don't like introverts - they think we don't like people or are above others - truth is I am just terrified and struggle insanely in large social situations) - quiet people get labelled as snobbish but not psychotic - so I think by being an introvert I have cornered my own social isolation which contributes to the sadness - but thats not really the topic - I think that seeing just how profoundly impacted our brain chemistry is to trauma to injustices to pain and emotional neglect - the coping mechanisms and chemical changes that happen are fascinating - we try so very hard to live our brains want us to live - it does whatever it can to help that end - even if it becomes disfunctional after a while - I think it is worth a good think -

[brownblob]

Hi sunny,
I'm an introvert too. I've never been psychotic, but I was hospitalized when I was younger and I've felt a little out of control before. There is a stigma to being hospitalized of course, so I never speak of it. So when I hear someone talk about it, it brings back memories and I can relate. Meghan P's 2nd episode is about a psychotic episode she had that was brought on by working constantly and being sleep deprived. I have been sleep deprived before, and I know my mental health depends on getting plenty of sleep. It was just one of those episodes that I found interesting.