Things I picked up, or worked out and kept, which help

[Beany Boo]

Sit Down Chores

Ironing and washing dishes can be two of the loneliest and most punishing reminders of isolation.

Sit down.

Use a chair and lower your ironing board. Leave a chair at the sink and rest your forearms on the edge.

A lot of the difficulty of these tasks is that they employ the same muscle groups for different purposes, stability (for standing) and hand manipulation. Reduce the need for stability by sitting down and the task is a lot less taxing.

If you live alone these tasks can be loaded, emotionally. If your condition includes back issues, they invite being avoided at all costs. Because they are distraction risks or were first encountered in childhood, they can be triggers or invite rumination or dissociation. But if you can find a way that allows them to be, if not enjoyable, then at least physically easier; and easier to do at any time and in any mood, then that can represent huge steps forward in self care.

For me, that moment when I remember I can sit down to do these things, is now a moment of relief and autonomy.

[Beany Boo]

Leave your Happy Face at Home

Letting the sadness you really feel show in your body and on your face; on the bus, at your desk, in public throughout the course of the day; the energy you have left over; the things you learn about people, it is so rewarding.

The fear is no one will like you. The truth is people are relieved to see someone having an honest 'affect'; it puts them at their ease. You're more at ease because you're not trying to sustain your 'act.' And the capacity to say exactly what you mean is right there at your fingertips.

There is also the fear that once you stop hiding your sadness, the sadness will never end. The truth is when you give that feeling room to breathe and time to express itself that fear subsides, and you then just want to take all the time in the world to express the feeling.

The irony is people are drawn to you when you feel comfortable enough to 'wear' your sadness in public. People want to be around someone where they're free to do the same.

[Beany Boo]

A ‘Doing’ Meditation

Don’t always have time for meditation?

You can meditate while you’re doing other things.

It comes down to being aware of what is you in the midst of the-everything-else; the other teeming actions that are occuring all the time around you; focussing slightly more on your own breaths, your movements, your reactions, your emotions etc.

Set a period, 20 minutes say. Don’t stop what you’re doing; you might be at your desk, working. Become aware of your breathing. If you are distracted, notice, return to the awareness of your breathing. Don’t force the re-focus. If you get out of your chair, feel it happening; your body taking the load.

The purpose of the meditation is not to be still; it’s to be in transition; and be fully you in the co-presence of transition.

Nothing need appear different; except you are creating a fraction of extra space in which to observe your place in a situation, your affect in relation to it; and what happens across the surface of your awareness as you sew a moment together with your choices.

Take a breath you wouldn’t otherwise, before hitting ‘enter’. Soften your focus and still do the next subtask, with a softer focus. Hear the emotion, or lack thereof, as you say what you’re about to say to a colleague. Focus on how you’re walking from one station to the next; and as you walk, on nothing else.

Any little tactics you employ to cope with the 'injustices' of work, take this time to fill them with mischievous energy.

Feeling surfaces is a powerful exercise; touching boxes, feeling their weight; running your palms over your desk, or along walls; pressing your face to the inside of a cold elevator door. Touch is particularly helpful if you work in a sea of ineffable data; or you're predisposed to dissociation. Breathe as you touch.

One small disadvantage of conventional meditation is people do it at a time when they feel relatively unencumbered, safe, free of distraction; then they mute the effects of the meditation – greater focus, taking your time, letting your energy flow, composing in rhythm – when they ‘clock on’ to the ‘busy’ time.

Don’t be afraid to split your energy between meditation and intense busy-ness. They are not mutually exclusive; and one can facilitate the effects of the other.

[oak]

Excellent stuff. I'll try this tomorrow, and report back.

Thanks for sharing.

[Beany Boo]

Panic Attacks

I discovered some new steps yesterday which allowed me to stare down one of the worst panic attacks I have had to date.

As the attack comes on I do two things, I unconsciously begin to shallow-breathe and, clench at the joints; all of them. These are semi-involuntary, interconnected ways to ‘put the brakes on’ to your mind; when frightening stimuli won’t stop coming. It also seems to be the cycle that sets the frightening thoughts going; that then won’t stop.

What’s the solution?

Firstly, switch your focus to the sensations in your body; pain, tension, that racing sensation; observe them happening. This can take you out of your negative thinking. You also begin to notice changes in them and later, subsidence.

Secondly, unclench your jaw. Relax your fingers, toes, wrists, ankles, knees, hips, elbows, shoulders and neck; any joints in your body. You’re holding tension there; but you're also trying to block or ‘dam’ your blood flow; as a protective reflex. Let it circulate freely; loose joints.

Third, on the in-breath, inhale gently via your nose only (this is very difficult at first), then on the out-breath, softly whisper, “no”. Do this until eventually you can breathe in and out just through your nose. Unclench your teeth, lips closed, then drop and relax your tongue so it’s not pressed against the top of your mouth. Nose breathing is hard when panicking, but easier if you keep step one and two going. You can only nasal breathe easily when relaxed.

There will be a constant urge to clench and mouth-breathe but this will just re-double the panic attack, and those horrible thoughts. Return over and over to the above process; as often as it takes for the compulsive thoughts to be overtaken by wandering thoughts. It’s also a good idea to return to the first step and begin again; rather than just try to intensify your focus on just the third step; relaxed breathing.

In short
- get out of your head and focus on your body's intense sensations
- keep the blood moving freely around your body by leaving all joints loose
- nose breathe, loose jaw, relaxed tongue (takes time)
- Keep returning to this, the moment you discover you’ve dropped back into the panic cycle, return to the steps

If you can teach this to someone who can help you, they can keep prompting you with the steps while you’re coming out of the attack.

[Beany Boo]

Ring

Between throwing out my addiction paraphernalia (TV, PlayStation) and going back into therapy, I did something that still feels important today.

I went to a department store and found a stainless steel ring. I made sure it fit my ring finger perfectly.

After that, I called it my invisibility ring. It reminded that I wasn't invisible even if I felt like I was. And also, to remind me that my problems weren't invisible; that they had substance.

That ring is 24 carat gold to me now.

I was at a party and someone asked me about it. I said, trying to sound whimsical, "that's my invisibility ring."

"Your invincibility ring?! Cool!"

Yeah.

I'll put it on now in dire situations.

As a last line of defense. It's worked so far.

[Beany Boo]

Food and Relationships

This is the best insight I've had about myself:

My relationship to food Illustrates how I treat people.

For example, if I:

Need the same types of food consistently, day after day
Need to eat in private
Worry about what my food is doing to me even as I'm enjoying it
Eat only food I alone choose ahead of time
Eat what I want when I want
Reject food that doesn't come to me under the above conditions

Switch out eating and food for spending time with people and how I 'be' in, and shape for myself, their emotional presence, then you have my relationship style pretty succinctly.

The simplest takeaway is, if you want to relate differently to other people's emotions, practice with your habits around food. Negotiating the routine, intensity and particulars of both, are similar activities.

Of course, that's not simple at all but it's an interesting way of learning and taking your own temperature, psychologically.