is it fair that I have mental illness?

[manuel_moe_g]

Listening to the last episode, it spoke to me that I really haven't let it sink in that I have a mental illness, my past life was shaped by my mental illness, and that I will not escape my mental illness in my future. It just isn't fair. But then life is not fair...

Oh, well, at least I have resources and the will to use them...

[oak]

Agreed Manuel Moe! It is not fair that a kind, decent person like you has mental illness.

Since the question isn't now if you have mental illness, but if you are going to face it with dignity.

Everything I know about you demonstrates that you do, and have. You have my respect.

[manuel_moe_g]

Thanks Oak, your kind words mean a lot to me, knowing the person that they are coming from.

I am in a weird place - my mood is depressed and I am moving forward just on the techniques I have amassed and plain momentum. I am one bad dream away from the staggering feeling of my chest feeling completely hollow.

My mental illness has limited what I can accomplish in this life, but I still had dreams, and those dreams have died.

All my failed relationships and missing relationships have me as the commonality.



I have gone through this before, when I was mourning the lack of young love in my youth. Making the most of my resources and celebrating that I have the will to use those resources means that I can have a complete life, in the present.

[brownblob]

It's not fair that anyone has a mental illness. And yes, it can limit what we are capable of in life. We just have to learn our limitations and work within them. Sometimes just realizing you've been this before and made it through before, can allow you to ride out the storm. I know it sucks. Keep up the fight Manuel.

[rivergirl]

Sending you a hug, Manny Moe. I hope all the efforts you're making will help your depression lift soon.

[Cami]

Hugs for everyone. None of us deserves what's on our plates.

[Imissmysun]

Moe -

My poor sweet boy asked me why he was born autistic and I said its because the world needs your beautiful brain... The way you think is a treasure.

While it's not fair to bear the burden; it gives you compassion and empathy and kindness. These are needed for the world to be made better - you are an instrument for positive change because you have seen suffering and know what it is to sit in the pit of despair.

You can let your insight become a source of kinship, like the positivity you bring here.

So while it is not fair, I think that you as you are now from the cumulation of your experiences are a gift to us here,

Thank you

[oak]

Well said, Imissmysun.

I don't have anything substantive to add, Manuel Moe, but I did want to take this opportunity to say hello and wish you well.

[Darth_Tjader]

I don't believe that it's fair for anyone to be given any sort of mental illness but when I see the world around me I can't help but believe that there isn't one living soul that doesn't suffer from some sort of mental illness, no matter how grand or little it may be. It especially sucks for those of us who come from a long line of heavy mental illnesses from generations past and have seen it do the worst things people can do to each other. I lost my parents to my mom believing that the solution to her and my father's issues was to permanently resolve their issues with a pistol. I also have an older brother who suffers from schizophrenia and was hospitalized many times throughout our childhoods. I also have a younger sister, who began life as my younger brother but has found being transgender their calling and I couldn't be happier for her. And now I am finally realizing that i have to live with being bipolar 2, divorced with one amazing son who, I believe, that if I were to commit suicide I'd be giving him permission to when he gets older and ever felt that that was his only option. I believe that that's what my mother gave to us was her permission if we so choose. I didn't care much for my parents or how we were raised, though a lot of the time it seemed normal and somewhat happy but in hindsight it's sickening. Not a day goes by where I don't fantasize about a bottle of sleeping pills and some booze in the back of my car away from everyone but knowing that hell may be watching him from the outside getting hurt and not being able to do anything makes that fantasy just that. I'm not sure if this is any help but know you're not alone in feeling like it's not fair to have been given an illness that'll be with you till the end, but take that illness and try to harness the most from it and see where it takes you. Take that anger or rage and focus on how that can become a way to cope. I also recommend a gym membership, punching bags and long runs are a great way to forget about your illness for a little while. Hang in there and keep posting updates, good or bad! We're here to help!