Friendzoneville, Population: Me

[oak]

I got friendzoned.

There is more I'd like to say about this, but this will have to suffice for now.

[rivergirl]

I'm sorry, Oak! Sending you a virtual hug,

rivergirl

[AtomicCowgirl]

Damn. Sorry to hear that, Oak.

[Beany Boo]

You didn't do anything wrong. And what you've attempted is too important to just pretend it didn't happen now. You're a man. She's a woman. Closeness can be unbearable when it's deliberate. Approaching it at all, deserves respect. You're frustration is real. Let it have a chance to make a mess.

[AtomicCowgirl]

I'd like to upvote Beany's post above.

[oak]

Thank you, so very much, for your kind, encouraging, thoughtful posts.

Since that post I've experienced grief and taken action.

Grief: I grieve for a relationship that didn't happen (though I of course honor and celebrate her agency). I grieve more intensely knowing that I sold out (to use our 90s terminology) to corporate America to get ahead (well, escape working poverty, and it did work) with the result of missing out on the important things: relationships, fresh air and sunshine, proper meals. It was not worth it. Not worth it all.

Action



As my heart broke while still talking with her, my conscience told me I had to do better, to take action right away. The first thing I knew to do was to drive to the grocery store to buy healthier food (51% because I knew 40 is the right age to start taking better care of myself, and 49% so the next time she saw me she would great tears of regret at seeing my newly-fit self).

Someone at said grocery store caught my eye, and cheesily enough I asked her opinion about yogurt. Trite, I know, but we had a great conversation. I invited her out, she politely declined, and it was a great interaction! I must admit she was really attractive, super nice, and very ambitious. (I gave the yogurt she suggested to my father, who really enjoyed it.)

What I'm getting at: I continue to grieve, and I have space to take action. Again, trite: I am flexing my time at work, starting to go the gym again, eat a little better, dress better.

I am also going to buy a new watch, at the mall, from an attractive person next week. We have little, informal plans. I am handling life easier, lighter, and women are starting to stare at me. It is a lot of fun.

I am in a situation that I could have avoided. I ended up where I am (lonely) through my own actions. It stands to reason that if I take different actions I will have better odds next time. All I ask for is a chance.

[rivergirl]

Oak,
I grieve with you & I also celebrate your resolve to practice healthy self-care. You deserve a chance (more than one) and it's not too late.

rivergirl