Wisdom teeth: facing facts and taking action.

[Namu]

oak,

WOW, look at you go!! It is lovely to hear you feeling better about your situation. (It's also quite charming to hear that I’ve served as a mantra. : -> To quote Ron Weasley, in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, in front of the Mirror of Erised: “I look goo-oo-ood!”) You seem to be firing up neurons to talk to each other in new ways, like following rivergirl's good example by linking it to a projection of possible future challenges of your own, and heading those would-be obstacles off at the pass. (I think that last sentence may have relied on wanton mismatching of metaphors, but if I wait until I can be sure of being articulate, my intended encouragement might never reach you ...)

You are doing a heck of a job of resourceful, compassionate, effective self-care, and that's the most important job there is.

For what it’s worth: I was recently introduced (figuratively) to Marshall Rosenberg, who's written a lot on what he calls “nonviolent communication.” I’ve read only one of his books so far, and it feels like he has fomented a revolution in me. For Rosenberg, “violence” is very broadly defined; pretty much the only communication he views as nonviolent is an ongoing honest account of one's own feelings and needs, and a generous, empathic witnessing of others' feelings and needs. I was curmudgeonly at first — Rosenberg comes from a place of much more universal love than I’ve been capable of for many years — but, having experimented a little with his methods, I’ve been dazzled by the initial results. I’m just beginning to take stock of how well, and how often, my experiences can be represented using his framework, but so far even his strangest claims about the positive power of his methods seem valid, and his most radical suggestions have worked in a way that feels like magic. Your method of “using your words” reminds me of Rosenberg's focus on clearly, very clearly, sorting out what one's real needs are, and using that awareness as a starting point for pretty much every moment, but especially for difficult times and for conflicts.

If you haven’t read Rosenberg's work, and if you're feeling like you've got room for a new teacher, I submit Rosenberg for your consideration. His ideas might be a good complement — validation but also next-level stuff — to the self-actualization work you’ve already done.

Whether or not Rosenberg interests you: Well done! The world becomes a better place every time one of us succeeds in self-care.

Sending you wishes for continuing successes and equanimity,

Namu

[oak]

Namu, thank you for such a kind, thoughtful, and encouraging post. I certainly borrowed strength from you. Actually, it was always within me, but I needed the fine example of you and the others in the forum to bring it out. If I could have brought it out by myself, I would have earlier. You gave me an avenue.

Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery! Just like I borrowed Rivergirl's magnificent habit of taking immediate action, I got "Living Nonviolent Communication" on my e-reader through my public library. I will start it tonight; I may even begin a thread about applying it. If so, I hope you'll post!!!

Having successfully used my words yesterday (requesting time off for "sometime soon") and calling today to ask for an appointment, I went in this afternoon.

Goodness did I have anxiety that it would be an expensive root canal/crown/cavity. Frankly, I don't have $1000 for a dental emergency.

Fortunately, he diagnosed an "inflamed socket". He took me and my situation seriously, but he didn't seem overly worried, if that distinction makes sense. I just have irrigate it for a few days and I should be improved.

Meanwhile, I am going to keep my second-opinion appointment for Saturday. I also have a coincidental appointment with the periodontist tomorrow.

While at the oral surgeon I saw someone really fine there. I resolved right than and there to get better so I can start dating again.

Generally, this experience has sucked and wasted my time. It has also made me realize the value of health.

I'll post some more soon. Thanks for listening!

[oak]

Things got worse and worse, until they suddenly got better: the other oral surgeon filled in for my oral surgeon, listened to my symptoms, took a look, poked, and recommended irrigating with hydrogen peroxide.

One dollar's worth of hydrogen peroxide later, I am feeling much better.

All this really isn't about teeth: it is about persisting in asking for help until someone (1) Listens (2) Takes me seriously (3) Offers a solution I can act on.

I learned much about gum health (very important to self-care!) the next day at the periodontist appointment. I am wracked with dental inequality guilt to post that I got an Oral B Genius toothbrush ($100, connects to Bluetooth): people are dying for a lack of $100 worth of basic dental care. I reassure myself that I am contributing to local efforts to address dental inequality, so my conscience is clear. And it is a great toothbrush.

This morning I went to my old dentist (well, the guy who took over the practice from my old dentist. For years my old dentist always gave me the most perfunctory of examinations, hence me learning now that I need all these procedures), and he was great. He took me seriously. I have inflamed sockets, maybe a little dry socket, but I should be fine.

My wisdom teeth are winding down: I am basically pain free and can eat anything without thinking. Next up is a periodontal procedure and a possible septum procedure.

All in all, to wrap up this thread, I've come believe to whole experience was dumb. Not stupid or worthless, just a waste of time and energy, in ways that were completely predictable and preventable. If they had counseled me more as to the side effects of anesthesia, Percocet (prescribed a dozen of them, I soon realized why people can get hooked on prescription opiates so easily), and the risk of infection and inflammation. Much of this debacle could have been easily prevented by (1) facing facts earlier and (2) communicating them to me ahead of time. Once I knew what to expect, and how to handle difficulty, there were no problems.

Like other areas of my life, I realize that I have to use my words, and be a "friendly jerk", to get my needs met. Not abrasive or demanding, just kindly persistent. And to keep asking people for help until someone cares.

Having seen how much it sucks to be not-well, I want to live better. A new lease on life.

Thanks for listening!