Ongoing: living anxiety workbook

[manuel_moe_g]

Good luck!

[oak]

Thanks Manuel Moe!

I thought of your kind post when I was talking myself out of making the call. Then I remembered your encouragement, and I chose to make that scary call to live up to who I want to be.

They were, of course, lovely.

After years of hearing that the retirement sky is falling, I saw my actual projected numbers. While I won't be rich or even middle class on those numbers, I have easily lived on less.

I have options, I can change my future, and I have people to support me.

That is a lucky lucky lucky outcome for an anxious man.

[bigeekgirl]

Catching up tonight, Oak. *waves* Keep up the good work!

[oak]

Thanks BGG! Because of your encouragement, and only because of your encouragement, I chose to call the psychologists/psychiatrists my EAP counselor recommended. You made a difference in someone's life.

Help Needed! Please advise :O

Today my kind and plain spoken mentor, after encouraging me, advised me to "relax" and "have fun" at my friend's upcoming show.

Important question for my MIHH friends here: How can I relax? How do I have fun?

What works for you? Please tell me something I can do, as I'm going to see there someone I really like. :O

Thanks!

[rivergirl]

Hi Oak,

Congratulations on making those calls!

Is there anything you can do ahead of time before your friend's show that would put you in a more relaxed state of mind? Perhaps getting in some exercise earlier in the day?
Doing some meditation before going to the show?

The only other advice I have is not to have too many expectations for yourself or the event, and try to regard it as a success that you're going and trying something new.

I hope you have a good time.

rivergirl

[oak]

Thanks Rivergirl!

I'll effect your advice, and let you know how it goes.

In other anxiety news:

1. Dental: My periodontist (gum specialist dentist) praised my flossing! I don't have dental anxiety per se, but I did have to face my fear of looking at my own body, and taking direct action (ie daily flossing).

2. Psychological: I have an intake appointment with the EAP-recommended psychologist (maybe psychiatrist?) next Monday.

3. Hypoglycemia: I have this under control by effecting two important actions:

a. I immediately explained the situation to my boss, who was happy to allow me to eat at 11 am and 3 pm.

b. I've switched to a (mostly) plant based whole foods diet, focused mainly on starches, and in practice mostly Meso American food: beans, corn, tomatoes, chia seeds. Though I also love Mediterranean food: hummus, tabooli, lentils. I also have my eye on teff. I cannot believe I wasted so many years suffering with the standard American diet. It made me so sick, all the time.

Wonderfully starchy food (think endless permutations of bean burritos) evens out my blood sugar over the day. Starches are the only foods that satisfy me. Also, I'm down another five pounds, for a total of 30 from my heaviest.

4. Physical: An important part of the anxiety workbooks, I've:

a. Been eating and exercising a bit better.

b. Living the "no screens an hour before bed", I've been sleeping much better.

c. I am scared to go to try the ji jitsu place, even though they were wonderful to me when I first visited six months ago. I've learned that anytime I'm really afraid to do something, and it will do me good, it is good to face that anxiety. I have not faced this anxiety.

5. Social

I invited a very attractive woman out today at the bougie deli counter. I was very taken by her, and invited her out. She declined with regret, saying she was married. I playfully chided her for not wearing a ring, and she replied that they can't wear them due to the slicing machines. I playfully explained where I would have taken her on our first two dates. She said that getting asked out made her day, made her month.

[oak]

Action Taken

Psychological: I made an appointment with a "multimodal" counselor recommended by my EAP counselor.

Social anxiety: I am going to my friend's show on Saturday night. This is big big big for me. This manages to roll up about five anxieties into one experience: driving at night, crowds, people drinking, public bathrooms. Gaaaah! I'm working on a hierarchy.

Dating: Through the public library I received a copy of "The Shy Single". This book was recommended in the social anxiety workbook.

Musing

Exhausted from work, inviting women out (26!), and teaching myself to code, I am burnt out. I am going to get back into the workbooks more.

I can say with pride, but not arrogance, that I am just about where I want to be with both my eating habit and dental care. Adhering well to my goal of no screens after 9 pm, I am sleeping deeply and my dream life is flourishing. Every anxiety book recommends improving eating, exercise, sleep, and hydration and I am can look myself in the mirror and know I've improved each, some of them significantly.

I still have a ways to go with exercise, and considerable change to effect with my finances. Finances are the big big anxiety.

Corniness Alert!

I am daring to temporarily discard my irony and cynicism long enough to try some affirmations. Gaah!

[manuel_moe_g]

Good luck on the affirmations, Oak! Think of the people who admire your strength when you feel the twinge of corniness during your affirmations.

[oak]

Thank you, Manuel Moe. One of my affirmations is: "Manuel Moe believes in me."

Bookend, Part 1 of 2

Tonight is my friend's show, and my anxiety is at 8 of 10.

(Interestingly, I have stress of 9 of 10 about my personal finances. I see "anxiety" as anticipation of something I want to face, but is still scary; while "stress" is regarding something I don't want to face.)

Here is my hierarchy:

Criteria for Success: I am a success today if I don't drink today.

1. Shower, shave, dress, and drive to the venue's parking lot.

2. Walk inside the venue, pay the cover, and walk out.

3. Enter the venue, and say hello to my acquaintances.

4. Talk to three new people, asking them how they like the show.

5. Talk to three of the bands members.

6. Stay for twenty more minutes than "I want to".

7. Stand there, by myself if it comes to it, and enjoy the music.

8. Make out with someone.

I promise to accomplish through step 5. I won't hold myself to achieve step 8, but a man can dream. In general I will focus on the other person, and truly try to listen to them, so I don't nervously talk too much, which I tend to do frequently. I will indeed try to talk less and smile more, per Aaron Burr.

90% of my anxiety comes from the fact that there is someone who I am super super super attracted to will be there.

Part 2 of 2 of this bookend tonight!

[bigeekgirl]

Best wishes for success!