Diary: Own place, new career, declare love.

[brownblob]

I am proud of you Oak.

[bigeekgirl]

Hooray for coffee!

[oak]

Thank you friends!

THTeres much more I’d like to say, but now the only internet I have is via phone.

I’ll post a more substantial post this weekend but for now I am hanging in there.

Your encouragement has been a great help!

Lots of love.

[oak]

I am still doing fine

I am trying increase the normalcy of my life.

I’ll post here, properly, on Tuesday.

Also, and this has nothing to do with my housing situation, this week I am going for a second appointment with a new counselor. She is so fine!

Deliciously fraught!

[rivergirl]

I'm glad to hear that you're doing okay, Oak. Keep us posted.

[oak]

Thanks Rivergirl!

This has been quite the exhausting adventure, and both better and worse than I anticipated.

I've, bit by bit, improved things: first it was just to move in, then to spend the night, then to get enough food to survive, then to get a little more comfortable and clean, then move the exercise equipment in, then get a library card, then get out to play Pokemon Go to get some sunshine, and learn about local volunteer opportunities.

I've also had a chance to live more according to my own values as far as sleeping habits, eating, exercise, and reading. You know, everything I "meant" to get around to for the previous ten years, but rarely did. This experience has been such a slide down the Maslow hierarchy that I had to jettison much of what was slowing me down, since I couldn't afford to carry it with me.

People have noticed that I am happier, and apparently the eating/exercise habits are telling, because I am now reported, by a kind older woman, to be "a hottie". We'll see!

[bigeekgirl]

Bravo, oak!

[oak]

I am in love with someone.

My goal: at a specific event in early July, to be ready to confess my love to her, and offer to run away.

Note I said "be ready to". If the opportunity presents itself, I want to be ready. And I may well be ready.

Everything is coming together.

Per the title of this thread, I:

Got my own place, and the reality of using a laundrymat at age 41 exhausted me, so I...
Completed a coding project, of building a CRUD website in ASP.Net. This appears to be a valuable skill, and my friend already in coding says he can get me interviews for contractor positions, so...
Tomorrow I can have a frank talk with my supervisor about increasing my pay from its current bottom quarter percentile level.

The "getting own place of this thread" part of this thread is pretty well wrapped up.

But I can't afford enough food, internet, or savings/emergencies with my current pay, so now it is time for the "new career" portion

Plus, sober and credible estimates have 96% of the employees in my field being replaced by automation in the next ten years. Further, I have a suspicion that my department will be outsourced in early July.

Yes, I may be outsourced the day before I declare my love.

I have all sorts of reasons, mostly love, to change careers this summer. Or at least start to get interviews in the coming weeks.

I'll post here over the weekend with a report of how the conversations go with (a) my boss and (b) my coding friend.

I'm in love with someone.

When I remember that, everything I've been through, strived for, and sacrificed for makes perfect sense and everything lines up.

If there is no meaning, no love, then nothing makes sense and everything is just random, meaningless noise and suffering.

[oak]

Disappointment: My supervisor did not have the compensation talk with me yesterday. I am not making it on my current salary.

I am trying to keep my head up... literally. Though I can't control what others do, I can face a difficult present and scary future with my shoulders back, head up, and eyes forward. It is a struggle to walk with my head up, but I am trying.

Meanwhile, I am working on my portfolio site (HTML etc) so I can post my ASP.Net project. Over the holiday weekend I am taking tiny baby steps on my portfolio site (it is really rough), and will try another ASP project.

I am also intensely lonely. My skin/nerves are fried with grief. I can feel grief in every cell of my body. Sometimes I can't move.

In a little happier news, I am otherwise taking care of myself: good dental, eating, and sleeping habits. I am getting some sunshine and fresh air by playing Pokemon Go in my new town. Meanwhile, a second fifty-something married woman has encouraged me, saying that I'm reportedly "quite the catch".

I send lots of MIHH love!

[rivergirl]

Thank you for the update, Oak.

I'm sorry about the work disappointment, and especially about your feelings of loneliness and grief.

I can't predict the future, but count me in as another 50-something lady who thinks you'll be a good catch for a lucky girl some day in the not too distant future.

Keep on taking good care of yourself, you deserve it!

rg