Really lonely today

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rivergirl
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Joined: March 3rd, 2013, 6:46 pm
Gender: Female
Issues: Depression, Anxiety

Really lonely today

Post by rivergirl »

Nothing is really wrong. I'm functioning okay.

Some days like today I just feel a deep loneliness and pain at the loss of my marriage and the sense of home that I had when I was married.

My oldest sister entered a psychiatric facility last week, and this month would have been the birthday of my other sister who passed away last summer. I don't know if these things are affecting me today, but I'm feeling an absence of hope about my own future.

I'm continuing to take positive steps, including therapy, but it seems like the hope that I can feel when talking to my therapist, or during the week when I'm working, sometimes vanishes on weekends. Today is one of those days.

I desperately wish that I was someone else today.

I know all that I can do is keep trying to do better.

Thank you for reading/listening.

rivergirl
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brownblob
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preferred pronoun: whatshisname

Re: Really lonely today

Post by brownblob »

Thanks for sharing. Life can feel so empty sometimes.
I don't like people much and they don't much like me. -A Beautiful Mind
I'm Homesick for a home I never had.--Soul Asylum "Homesick"
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oak
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Re: Really lonely today

Post by oak »

Thank you for sharing.

You are not alone.
Work is love made visible. -Kahlil Gibran
A person with a "why" can endure any "how". -Viktor Frankl
Which is better: to be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort? -Skyrim
rivergirl
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Joined: March 3rd, 2013, 6:46 pm
Gender: Female
Issues: Depression, Anxiety

Re: Really lonely today

Post by rivergirl »

Thank you, brownblob and Oak. I'm going back to work today, which usually helps. And your messages made me feel a bit less alone.
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oak
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Re: Really lonely today

Post by oak »

How are things going?

Any better?
Work is love made visible. -Kahlil Gibran
A person with a "why" can endure any "how". -Viktor Frankl
Which is better: to be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort? -Skyrim
rivergirl
Posts: 1270
Joined: March 3rd, 2013, 6:46 pm
Gender: Female
Issues: Depression, Anxiety

Re: Really lonely today

Post by rivergirl »

Better enough to get through the week. Thanks for asking, Oak.
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bigeekgirl
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Issues: depression/anxiety. co-dependence, disordered eating/using food to cope
preferred pronoun: she
Location: South Carolina

Re: Really lonely today

Post by bigeekgirl »

rivergirl - thank you for sharing. Loneliness and isolation might be the worst of all this junk. I'm so glad you are doing a bit better and working on yourself. Rooting for you, friend.
rivergirl
Posts: 1270
Joined: March 3rd, 2013, 6:46 pm
Gender: Female
Issues: Depression, Anxiety

Re: Really lonely today

Post by rivergirl »

Thanks so much, bigeekgirl.

I believe you're right about loneliness being my primary issue, and most of all the loneliness of not having a partner. I regret all the years since my divorce that I didn't allow myself to try to be with anyone except for a long-distance relationship that ended painfully three years ago.

My therapist encourages me to try online dating and says that I'm not too old and still have things to offer, but I can't convince myself of that. I keep thinking I need to change so many things about my appearance, etc., and I wonder if I'll ever get to a point where I feel ready to try.

Anyway, thank you again for your kind comments, bgg.
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bigeekgirl
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Issues: depression/anxiety. co-dependence, disordered eating/using food to cope
preferred pronoun: she
Location: South Carolina

Re: Really lonely today

Post by bigeekgirl »

I'm with your therapist on this. Online dating has it's downsides, but it's a great way to get yourself in connect with a bunch of people looking to date. I met my husband that way. A couple messages exchanged, a phone call and a low pressure meal together. I talked to and met a bunch of different guys which was so helpful after a decade long marriage.
rivergirl
Posts: 1270
Joined: March 3rd, 2013, 6:46 pm
Gender: Female
Issues: Depression, Anxiety

Re: Really lonely today

Post by rivergirl »

Thank you for the encouragement, bgg. It gives me some hope.
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