Really lonely today

[rivergirl]

Nothing is really wrong. I'm functioning okay.

Some days like today I just feel a deep loneliness and pain at the loss of my marriage and the sense of home that I had when I was married.

My oldest sister entered a psychiatric facility last week, and this month would have been the birthday of my other sister who passed away last summer. I don't know if these things are affecting me today, but I'm feeling an absence of hope about my own future.

I'm continuing to take positive steps, including therapy, but it seems like the hope that I can feel when talking to my therapist, or during the week when I'm working, sometimes vanishes on weekends. Today is one of those days.

I desperately wish that I was someone else today.

I know all that I can do is keep trying to do better.

Thank you for reading/listening.

rivergirl

[brownblob]

Thanks for sharing. Life can feel so empty sometimes.

[oak]

Thank you for sharing.

You are not alone.

[rivergirl]

Thank you, brownblob and Oak. I'm going back to work today, which usually helps. And your messages made me feel a bit less alone.

[oak]

How are things going?

Any better?

[rivergirl]

Better enough to get through the week. Thanks for asking, Oak.

[bigeekgirl]

rivergirl - thank you for sharing. Loneliness and isolation might be the worst of all this junk. I'm so glad you are doing a bit better and working on yourself. Rooting for you, friend.

[rivergirl]

Thanks so much, bigeekgirl.

I believe you're right about loneliness being my primary issue, and most of all the loneliness of not having a partner. I regret all the years since my divorce that I didn't allow myself to try to be with anyone except for a long-distance relationship that ended painfully three years ago.

My therapist encourages me to try online dating and says that I'm not too old and still have things to offer, but I can't convince myself of that. I keep thinking I need to change so many things about my appearance, etc., and I wonder if I'll ever get to a point where I feel ready to try.

Anyway, thank you again for your kind comments, bgg.

[bigeekgirl]

I'm with your therapist on this. Online dating has it's downsides, but it's a great way to get yourself in connect with a bunch of people looking to date. I met my husband that way. A couple messages exchanged, a phone call and a low pressure meal together. I talked to and met a bunch of different guys which was so helpful after a decade long marriage.

[rivergirl]

Thank you for the encouragement, bgg. It gives me some hope.