Ideation

[brownblob]

Hi river,
Glad to hear you're feeling a little better. I know how bad it can get sometimes. I haven't had much energy lately, so I haven't been on here too much.

[oak]

Agreed with BB! I also hope you are doing well.

[rivergirl]

Thank you all so much for listening.

Oak, you're too kind. I do have an idea of what that cup looks like.

BB, it helps knowing that someone else has been there. Sending my hope that you're just in a little slump and will find your energy coming back again.

rivergirl

[snoringdog]

Called my brother yesterday in Cal after the earthquake, to check in.

Not sure what brought it up, but I mentioned the trouble I've been having recently with anxiety and depression. (Thankfully somewhat under control just now).

He asked me directly if I've ever contemplated suicide, which surprised me a bit, but I appreciated the frankness.

Told him I've never made any plans, but sometimes feel pretty hopeless and anxious. That I would also like a choice if some end-of-life pain or life itself became too unbearable. (So many aspects to consider when thinking on this subject....)

Also that if I ever did it, it would probably be a spur-of-the-moment thing in anger and under much stress. (That's why I will never own a gun).

I usually think of my cell phone as an anxiety-producing gadget, but in this case, picked it up and made a call..

Anyway, just putting this out there, maybe it's helpful?
What the hell....

[snoringdog]

One other thought from my split-brain-

I think I would be quick to grab someone and pull them back from the brink if I were ever in that position...

BUT

I can also relate to the desire to jump.

What strange critters we are, huh?

[Tryin]

Hey Snoringdog,

I know what you mean -- it's awkward at first but when I was (am) depressed or feeling suicidal it's a huge relief to be able to talk openly about it... even use the word "suicide". I've been doing well for a number of years now (knock on wood!) but I keep these two websites in my notes in case I need to confide in someone I know, and I don't have the words to explain it properly:

https://www.suicideisdifferent.org/
https://www.suicideispreventable.org/

Brene Brown also has cool short video about empathy that's also great for explaining to people the best way to be supportive:

https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw

Thought you might find these interesting.

[snoringdog]

Another book to add to my want-to-read list;

A survivor of multiple suicide attempts explains 'How Not to Kill Yourself: A Portrait of the Suicidal Mind'

Good writeup here, with a podcast
https://www.npr.org/2023/04/05/1168104827/how-not-to-kill-yourself-suicide-clancy-martin

He's obviously smart & accomplished.

Martin is the author of over a dozen books on philosophy and has translated works by Nietzsche and Kierkegaard. He's a professor of philosophy at the University of Missouri in Kansas City and Ashoka University in New Delhi, India.

If he's struggling, wow... It really is a weird "brain" thing.

And yes -

Trust me, you are surrounded by people who need you and who want you to live. You might not feel that way, but it is true. And use that if you can't use anything else as an excuse to take care of yourself.