Christmas cliches: I am wasting my life.

[oak]

Happiest of holidays to all my dear MIHH friends! <3

I have been sober for ten years, and not-working poor for five, and emotions continue to bubble up.

I am wasting my life.

More specifically, I am wasting the hours, days, and minutes of my life due to getting angry at work, my commute, and the dumb town I live in.

There is more I'd like to say, but it is too much to handle right now, so this will have to suffice. I am enough.

Thanks for listening.

[Heatherwantspeace]

Hi oak,
I hope today is looking a little brighter.
Sometimes I feel embarrassed that I'm just getting my life together at 54, learning for the first time how to make friends, something everyone else seems to understand!
Just being is enough. Nothing more is required of us.
A hug if you want it, or an enthusiastic wave if that's better.
Heather

[manuel_moe_g]

It hurts to see someone who I admire suffering like this.

I wish I had the ability to step out of my autobiography and really know how best to help.

https://www.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life- ... 1522632735 A book that really helped me

Lately, I have been thinking about (1) the gap between stimulus and response, and (2) making hard choices in those gaps to get a different result.

When you really feel that you can act in the gap between stimulus and response, celebrate it, those are rare moments, and don't beat yourself up for not having those moments exactly when and exactly how often you desire. You identified a gap between stimulus and response and you are living in it, celebrate this moment, because it is an opportunity to really be alive!

A hard choice is one where you must give up something, to get something different than you usually get, hopefully in an irreversible way.

Does this make any sense? How can I better help you? You are my friend, and I hate to see you suffer.

[oak]

Thank you my dear friends!

@Heather: reading your kind, helpful, encouraging post I immediately thought "52? That's young. So many good years ahead!"

Then I realized I can offer the same acceptance to myself. I hope you have a lovely new year.

@Manuel Moe

Awww, thank you, Manuel Moe. I have taken your advice about stimulus and response to heart.

There is much more I'd like to say, but it still too raw. Using one's words is hard, sometimes.

Many thanks and much love.

[rivergirl]

Hey Oak,

I'm a bit late, but I hear you and am all ears if you feel like sharing more later.

This time of year can bring up painful reflections, but I hope you can give yourself a little bit of a pat on the back for all of your efforts and for how much you've already grown.

You are very much enough (Oak is a jolly good fellow, in my view!)

Happy New Year to you, and I'm sending a bit of California sunshine your way.

rg

[oak]

Awww thanks RG!

I accept your California sunshine, and send some non-dour neo-stoic sobriety to you!

I remembered that I wrote a letter to myself last Jan 1, and put it in my Google Drive.

Of the ten great goals I listed, I achieved one: getting my own place. Though I don't like the complex, I love my apartment. It is clean, there is food in the fridge, and I even have home internet, effective Christmas Eve. (I was afraid the kind installer would find it messy, but I was endlessly pleased when he declared it "real clean" compared to some of the other places he's installed routers.)

This upcoming year I am going to be a little easier on myself, and only have two goals:

1. Continue to take care of my teeth and gums
2. Be more loving and accepting

I know people say this sort of thing every year, but maybe 2019 will be the year. Oh, and true love.

(Crosses fingers.)

[brownblob]

Resolutions are usually a recipe for disappointment. I wish you a great 2019 whatever that shall become