I feel more hopeful today than yesterday

[manuel_moe_g]

1. reframe the path - wide, straight, grassy on sides

2. Mindful & Compassionate - many opportunities to be mindful

3. prime times of day to be mindful with alerts

4. gap between stimulus and response

5. dimming the mean TV with the remote, dim then turn off, ignore if comes back on again, repeat as necessary

6. building this up, focusing more on the building of a foundation than 100% success rate

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am pretty happy with the choices I have been making this weekend

reframing how staying mindful feels inside my mind, making it about strolling down an easy path, has helped a lot

[manuel_moe_g]

future tripping... it is a sign that I am not being mindful if I am future tripping

https://www.finerminds.com/consciousnes ... -tripping/

accept every negative eventuality

breathe

(my heart is racing, forgive myself for whipping myself into a state where my heart is racing)

[manuel_moe_g]

i wasn't very disciplined yesterday, too much time spent goofing around on my smartphone

i can see it pays to anticipate when i will fall back on coping mechanisms

[oak]

You recognize that, so that is a good start.

How can you do a little better today?

[manuel_moe_g]

trying to keep self from future-tripping, so addicted to playing out future scenarios

my therapist says I am strong and brave to use my words to work through my anxiety about procrastination

but I feel weak and weird

I am not the image of masculinity that I saw when I was growing up

[rivergirl]

I've been reading this thread for a while, Manuel Moe, and I agree with your therapist. I'm sad that the images of masculinity that we grew up with were so narrow and so harmful to men in some ways.

In the fall I took a pretty intensive two-month long mindfulness class. Many of the students were men that I would think of as appearing traditionally masculine (including a couple of college athletes and several medical residents). They all shared their anxieties, fears, and hopes throughout the class, and I didn't see them as being any less masculine for that. I admired their bravery.

I love your image of the wide straight path with grassy sides. I'm wishing you especially soft and gentle grass in the days ahead.

rivergirl

[manuel_moe_g]

Thank you, Rivergirl. What you said meant a lot to me. I just wish it was easier to leave behind the programming from youth about what it meant to me masculine. I have to sit with it longer, it makes perfect logic, but my subconscious still is lagging behind.

[manuel_moe_g]

good session with therapist, lots of notes

coming to grips with what "my very best" looks like. it is so weak, but even as weak as it is, I am scared to give "my very best". i am so used to retreating into coping mechanisms

[manuel_moe_g]

just typed up my notes quick, will expand each one, just like last time (this strategy worked good)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[1] procrastination - when I begin those tasks I get messages & meanings about how I am a bad person.

but I know what to do, use the TV & the Remote to turn down those messages and turn them off

maybe have to repeat it, but little by little I reduce the intensity

(my wife was "blasting" me, "roasting" me with negative messages - I used the imagery of the TV and the Remote to bring down the volume and intensity of those meanings and messages)

[2] perfectionism as an excuse to do nothing

I know this trick of my mind, just calmly press on, imperfectly and compassionately

[3] compassion, vulnerability, non-judgement - to _really_ LOOK at my coping mechanisms

[4] energy to strategize

be realistic about my strategies

[5] effortful - it is OK that it is effortful in the beginning - it will be easier later with practice, maybe even effortless someday

we are talking about minimizing pain with maybe a bump up in the pain in the very short term

[6] respectfully, lovingly pull away a bit from my coping mechanisms so that I have a little room to manuver

I know that shunning my coping mechanisms violently doesn't work

tell my old habitual coping mechanisms: you are good but not consistent with minimizing pain, so I am pulling away a bit from you

[6.5] use coping mechanisms as a reward for a little bit of work

do a little bit of work first - then reward with a little use of comfortable coping mechanisms

[7] maybe slow is fast and fast is slow - be respectful to the slow/steady process and don't worry about hurrying - be respectful to self

[8] wife pressures me, this is about her fear

sure, I feel slow and foggy-headed

compared to my very-highly-effective wife, I am slow and foggy-headed

but I am still doing my best

[9] what things I know about "My Best"

[*] it is what I have control over, and we ignore what I don't have control over
[*] it is doable
[*] no breakdown - we don't push it into the zone where I have a breakdown and lose my forward progress
[*] sustainable - if it isn't sustainable, we are not interested
[*] it has breaks & recesses & coping & rewards - we are not machines
[*] it is not perfect - perfection is just crap that gives an excuse to give up
[*] it has a limit
[*] it is not about comparisons to other people - I am not in an effectivity competition with my wife
[*] my best is OK
[*] my best is about knowing my heart is in the right place
[*] it is steady
[*] it is about one step at a time
[*] it is about putting a little gap between self and avoidance (just need a little wiggle room)
[*] it is about not beating myself up

[manuel_moe_g]

Slow is fast, and fast is slow. Don't be afraid to be slow and steady and mentally prepare for actions.

i want to use food to manage my mood

i will do some stuff first, then reward myself with some Japanese 7-11 ramen

it is super salty! i like salty a bit too much, but that is alright