Courage attempt: came up short.

[oak]

Today I tried to effect courageous action:

Because a friend recommended it, I tried contact lens for the first time.

Unfortunately I couldn't get them in without blinking. I found my eyelashes were getting in the way, especially when I blinked. I couldn't get them in, much less take them out.

I've always been a bit fussy/anxious about getting things in my eyes, or touching my eyes, so this was more anxiety-creating than I let on. I did let the employee know I was anxious, and she was sort of supportive.

Unfortunately I also happened to have all of HALT before going in (like the old country song says, the only two times I'm lonely is day and night).

Like I have to do with depressing frequency (professionally, what passes for the sad shell of my intimate/dating life) I chose to be a good sport:

I clearly communicated my appreciation for her assistance (such as it was), excused myself, and did my habit that is all too common for my "walk of shame": as I walk away from embarrassing social situations: shoulders back and down, eyes up, and smile and say goodbye to the front desk people as I exited.

Summary

I am glad I tried.

Still, I'd like to have a success now and then, as I get tired of trying to be gracious in (all too common) defeat.

[snoringdog]

Hello Oak,

Had to look up HALT - "Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired", but man, those things are basic and take precedence over our higher faculties, don't they?
(Couple of bites of a sandwich at the right time, and I'm a new man!).

I've never liked things in my eyes either. Tried contacts many years ago and did not like the sensation at all. It was really unpleasant.

But why be ashamed? (Though I do know that unbidden burning feeling, all to well).
It's simply a product that didn't work for you.

An aside - Japan they have department store greeters at the door who welcome you and bid you good day.
When I first was there years ago, I felt real embarrassment at not buying anything before I left. Totally in my head! Would I feel the same way with the person at Walmart? No, of course not....
(But I would be courteous and make eye contact, like you did, as a gentleman......!)

SD

[rivergirl]

Oh, Oak:

I don't see you as coming up short in this situation. You succeeded in trying something new to see if it would work for you or not.

However, I'm really familiar with personalizing and internalizing incidents and outcomes rather than seeing them neutrally. In fact, I realized after reading your post that I was feeling inadequate in comparison to you since my middle-aged eye issues make me ineligible to even try contacts.

Sometimes I even half-wish I was the kind of complaining person who externalized things more: "Damn those contacts! That employee was incompetent ... she couldn't even show me how to get the contacts in and out without blinking!"

I think the kindest and healthiest way to react is without too much judgment for ourselves or others, but that isn't always easy to put into practice. It's great that you recognized the HALT factors. Awareness is an important step.

I hear your "L" coming through loud and clear. I still have hope for you that you'll find the loving intimate relationship that you're yearning for. You deserve that as much as anyone does.

rg

[oak]

@SD: Thank you for your lovely post. It is great having you in the forum. I'm looking forward to your posts with interest.

Yes, HALT is a powerful tool indeed. I find myself, against my wishes, playfully so, always quoting my mother and 12 step aphorisms, including HALT.

Thank you for the encouragement to be courteous and at the same time not feel compelled to be someone I'm not, just to try to please them.

Also, to the extent you'd be comfortable sharing, I'd be interested to read a thread about your experiences in Japan, especially what you learned about mental health, what is similar and what is different between our two cultures. I can assure you I have more than a little hikokomori in me, if I don't take action daily to push it back.

@RG Thank you for your kindness and encouragement.

Yeah, the employee sucked: going away I reminded myself to be kind and sweet at work, and de-escalate anxious people.

With 24 hours from the experience, I don't think I/we are missing much with contacts.

Thanks to both of your very kind advice/encouragement, I now see the experience as just that: an experience. I tried something that I was scared of, and did what courage/life demanded of me. I can walk away from the experience with dignity.

<3