Summer of trying to be courageous

[oak]

2 of 2

They were, of course, 1000% lovely.

So send good vibes anytime you like, Rivergirl! They must have worked because I had a wonderful time.

The owner and the other experienced guys (I was pleased to see women there, since jijitsu is a valueable skill, and they were friendly to me) went out of their way to welcome me, and show me the moves. I was really touched: knowing nothing, I had nothing to give or teach them, and they could have been practicing with experienced people; instead they talked to me.

I had a great time, and told them so.

So yeah: trying to be courageous is both a lot of fun and super exhausting.

Is it worth it to try? For me, yes. But going forward I'll be more careful to have fewer and more limited goals, more rewards, and schedule in time to recover.

This stuff is exhausting.

[rivergirl]

I'm happy for you that it turned out well, Oak.

Exhaustion is a good reminder that change takes a lot of energy.

Hope you're enjoying a movie and takeout this evening!

[randomletter_uckface]

I just want to say: Thank you Oak!

I'm currently depressed and reading about your progress reminds me of all of the hard work I did before my latest depression to get better!
If you feel crappy one day- just know you helped someone with your post

[oak]

I'm touched, Random, that my foibles, dressed up with a little courage, helped you. Thanks for letting me know.

When you are ready, and not a moment sooner, when your depression wanes, I kindly challenge you to try a little courage in the moment when your conscience gives you that urge. You'll know when the moment comes. If you'd later post about it, I'd be delighted to read about it.

I send courage vibes over the internet wires!

Likewise, in honor of you, I'll push myself to show a little courage the next time life demands it of me. I don't have any "courage-tests" "scheduled", but if the moment comes I'll think of you, go for it, and report here.

[oak]

@Random

Yesterday I got a voicemail for a interview for a position that may not be a good fit (relocating). But I'd still be glad to talk to them.

Two anxieties:

1. Calling back the recruiter to set a time.

2. Ask my current supervisor for time off to go to an interview (I can be honest with this supervisor).

Both were super scary to effect, and as always, both went 100% lovely.

There is no substitute for looking someone in the eye, and having an awkward conversation.

Returning voicemail anxiety: 6 of 10

Asking current supervisor for time off: 7 of 10.

I'll have more courage-attempt reports regarding this closer to interview time, but for now I declare myself Enough.

I did what life demanded of me.

[brownblob]

Great job Oak.

[oak]

Thanks BB!

Fluids

I have a drive of several hours each way to my interview in ten days. This morning I stopped by the oil change place to have them check my fluids and tires. This was me advocating for myself, being a responsible grownup, and facing my anxiety about the metal hole thing I had to drive over.

Budgeting

Oh this is the all time, main event, anxiety-creating, joy-robbing experience of my adult life. I went from working poor to paycheck to paycheck. Today I tracked my spending and balanced my checkbook. That is all I could manage today. It completely exhausted me.

Guitar

I picked it up today, and after a few moments my fretting (left) hand began to ache again.

I can't describe how discouraging and exhausting this is.

I want to play guitar (for women, but I also enjoy it fine), but have always been ready to quit because it has proven much more difficult, physically, than I anticipated.

Like most things in my life, if I had known how hard it was going to be, I would not have done it, but now that I'm in it, I may as well continue it.

Saying No

A good friend, turned frenemy, has been calling me. I owe him a call back, I suppose, but I just didn't want to do it this weekend.

I give myself permission to say no.

[manuel_moe_g]

A self-actualized man, that is what you are. Honor to know you and be your friend.

[Heatherwantspeace]

Oak, you are so inspiring! I like how you break things down into steps and tackle each one in turn. I will try to do that more.

Here's my Oak challenge for myself
By the end of today:
1. have my taxes done
2. clean the bathrooms
both left waaaaaay too long

[oak]

@Manuel: Thank you! Lots of brotherly love.

@Heather: I'm glad my humble efforts inspired you to action. Be sure to make them into tiny, completely achievable chunks. I'm interested to hear how you did.

Bookend:

A Summer Trip of Courage and Wonderfully Awkward Conversations

Courage 1: Driving across the state and back, being responsible (unlike the bad old days)

I have a new-to-me car, AAA, fluids checked. None of these things were true when, still an active alcoholic (but not driving drunk), I drove around America for work. I had no money, nothing. I even have my GPS unit ready, in case I am out of phone signal for my phone's GPS.

Courage 2: Interview for a job I'm unlikely to accept, since I don't want to relocate.

Courage 3: Asking my current boss for a counteroffer (I know, I know), before officially declining the offer, should I get it.

Happy report: I had a good, happy, frank talk with my rapidly-declining elderly father. We discussed the main things facing me, at age 43: a meaningful career, finances, a meaningful intimate life. He gave me encouragement.

I'll report here during my trip (Sat-Tue) with any particular courages, and after, with a courage report.