Sad clown

[chapstick]

I feel exhausted by being the funny friend all the time. Making people laugh gives me a rush and instant gratification, but it ultimately just adds to me feeling misunderstood and alone. I feel like no one would want me around if they knew how sad I really am, and even if that weren’t the case I don’t know how to be honest with other people about my depression.

[brownblob]

When I was younger I was the same way. I'd do anything for a laugh. I remember at one point not feeling it and telling a couple of women I was friends with that I was the sad clown. I actually said sad clown. They didn't take what I said seriously.
I am no longer funny and don't have friends but I do remember how lonely I felt at that moment when I tried to be honest and they wouldn't listen.