Flu thoughts.

[oak]

(I've had the regular old crappy flu for a week, and meant to get around to posting here about how much it sucked. But I never got around to it until now lol).

I'll come out and say it: this coronavirus is one of the great mental health issues of 2020.

Anxiety.

Though I know I am more likely to die of the flu I'm getting over now, what if it mutates?

My grandmother told my mother, who passed it onto us children, stories of forgotten branches of our family who all died of the flu in 1918.

We all laughed (good naturedly) at our mother, who grew up with polio, cystic fibrosis, and cerebral palsy: very real killers in her family. I'm not sure we're laughing now. I'm not.

Seeing as how they're shutting down cities in China, though I didn't really feel like it today I got supplies to last me 1-2 weeks. I got a month of Buspar, a week of meat, 2 weeks of beans and rice (which happens to be my favorite foods anyway), and a month of caffeine. So long as I have utilities: heat, light, gas stove, and (ideally) internet, I could stay in my apartment for two weeks. I have my UV lightbox, an exercise bike, and (thank goodness, on of the MANY blessings of a public library card) Hoopla/Kanopy.

[snoringdog]

Hello Oak,

Anxiety provoking indeed. Don't touch any doorknobs!

So many things are gunning for us... Ebola recently, SARS, occasional outbreaks of Legionaries, various mosquito-borne viruses.... and remember anthrax in the mail?

Take care of yourself - fluids & rest etc. BTW - did you get a flu shot this year? I've been getting them regularly, and knock-on-wood haven't had anything protracted in the last few years...

Be well.

SD

[Heatherwantspeace]

Oak, I'm glad you've taken steps to help yourself feel safe. Rest easy in your cocoon.
Heather

[oak]

Thanks for your kindness and encouragement, SD and HWS. Yes, I've done everything right (shot in October, plenty of fluids and rest), and I am no better. I'm no worse, but no better.

While I am grateful for all replies in the forum, I especially appreciate these: flu is very intense topic, and I was very in my head.

No one hires me for my looks or brawn: for better or worse my work is all cerebral and emotional. Thus the flu, much like Heather's work crisis ("crisis" in the best sense of the term) made me get in touch with the physical me.

Some fevered thoughts on flu:

There are three kinds of flu: of the body, mind, and heart.

There is the flu of the body, which our outstanding medical colleagues are struggling with. Heroically, I would add. This is what most of think of, naturally and correctly, when we think of the flu.

I've been craving rich, fatty foods: eclairs, bacon.

There is the flu of the mind, which is most of my experience the last ten days.

Amish romance novels, of all things, have really gotten me mentally through this. That there is the purity and wholesomeness that cynically no one believes in, but so many crave.

There is the flu of the heart, which is the most important.

I am lonely. In the dead of winter I haven't seen the sun in days. My new job is endless asking of me. I am feeling no better ten days into the flu. I am in love with someone, but seemingly getting further from winning her, no matter what I do.

I've come to believe life, or my life, is all nihilism vs hope. Will I see the sun again (someday)? Yes. Will I recover from the flu (someday)? Yes. But I have no evidence.

So I tell myself fairy tales: sure, I'll go on a date with her soon. I'll have friends. It gets exhausting to Gatsby myself through the day, when there is just another long day after this one.

[Heatherwantspeace]

Oak, I feel for you with the loneliness. It's like grieving for someone you didn't know. I think everyone here is very familiar with it.
I'm going to give you some unsolicited advice, which we'll call insider info. Maybe you know this already, maybe it doesn't help, but I want to say it.

Women notice how you treat the women you're not interested in. Their friends, their coworkers. Are you cordial and friendly with them? Do you care about their day too? Courting the woman you care for is only part of showing her the magnificent you. Plus, with the pressure off you can be the authentic you.

If this feels natural, and appropriate, and the mood in the coffee shop is relaxed and slow, why not ask that woman you're not interested in, while she's preparing your drink "I'm looking for something new to read, what's the last book you liked?" This can lead to a wonderful group discussion. Or not. Worst case she tells you she doesn't have time to read but you have a memorable persona--book guy.

Or whatever. Pick something that feels like you. Get noticed for being genuinely interested in others.
I'm wishing for you the partner that loves you as you are now, and sees all the things in you that are special. And your kindness. And compassion.
Heather

[oak]

Awww, Heather, I'm touched by the thought and kindness of your response, for two reasons:

1. You understood, I think, what I was getting at with "the flu of the heart".

2. Your kind encouragement and advice.

Now that I'm getting my voice back, in the next few days I'll effect your advice of asking about a book to someone I notice.

Of all the kind, wonderful things people have to said to me in the forum, your post is among the sweetest.

---

Flu update!

After nearly two weeks, I finally don't have a temperature anymore. I still haven't gotten my voice back, and generally I feel kind of crappy to meh.

I am following, with interest, the reports of the coronavirus. I think we're all going to be okay.

[oak]

Hi friends. I am more or less over the physical symptoms of the flu.

Now I can hardly move: several times a year the grieving of loneliness forces itself out through my cells: I can feel it.

Physical sickness and psychological pain often show up at the same time, or are the same thing. But they're also hallmarks of one's humanity.

I can hardly move today. Tomorrow I hope to get out of the house: I want to drive to the mall, look at some pretty girls, and then go eat tacos and enchiladas.

This week I hope to each of the following once: go to the gym, wake up a little early and do my lightbox and tai chi routine, and go to a coffeeshop before work.

Accomplishing any of the above would be a big deal.

Oh, and I want to make meatloaf, the way I like: thinner, more well done, and nearly a 1:1 ratio of meatloaf to that homemade red meatloaf sauce.

[manuel_moe_g]

So much to admire here. You have no idea how invested we are in your success. And you ARE a success, you are the epitome of a self-actualized man rising above his considerable challenges. Take care, keep the lines of communication open.

[oak]

I finally got over the flu this week: my appetite came back all at once. I am still concerned about the worldwide spread of coronavirus, but I'll post about that later.

@Manuel Moe: thank you for your kind post! I was having a very difficult day, and that was just what I needed to hear. Thank you so much.

@Heather: thank you for that dear post!

I actually effected it, with the report below, and actually have two little bonus stories.

Finding the courage to go to the coffee shop, I was very polite to the pretty barista, but spent much of the time talking to the young man, her co-worker. He had a Ramones shirt on, so I asked him for recommendations. We had exactly the type of conversation you described. Very prescient!

I would not have had that conversation, or known how to do so, had you not been so careful and generous to advise me.

Bonus:

1. Because you described it, Heather, I was able to recognize it when someone did it to me!

Not ten minutes after effecting your instructions about culture with the barista, I was checking out my beloved Amish romance novels, an attractive librarian asked me about what books I liked! She touched her hair and tossed it.

I thought "Heather told me about this, but I didn't expect it to happen to me!"

2. I was in Walmart this morning, trying to get home in time to listen to This American Life.

Near the cheese, I noticed an attractive woman glance at me, touch her hair, then stare at me and smile.

[Heatherwantspeace]

Oak, whoop! I'm so happy this worked out!
I want to honour your intention. You approached this with curiosity and willingness to see it though.

I read something years ago that I think about often. It said to create the space for the life you want. If you want a partner, don't have 1 pillow, have 2. Don't have a single cup coffee maker. If you want a group of friends, have a set of nice glasses for when you have them over. I know we call that intention, but it helps me to think of it as space.
You gave these women space, and choice, and they had somewhere to move into.

I love:
that the Ramones shirt was your vetting process
that that barista was likely standing back and thinking "cool guy"
that you took these experiences in and just enjoyed them because you know there will be more

Heather