Documentaries & Other Media

[manuel_moe_g]

I'll take that to mean I'm not alone in the literal, out-loud, compulsive talking to myself. I've only ever done this when the suicidal thought loop gets so intense that I guess my brain creates a release valve.

Lately, I have even taken to saying "SHHHH" out loud when my brain is starting to run off the rails. I will do it as one meditative movement - close my eyes, swoop my arms down with my palms pointing up, in an easy smooth meditative way, and say "Shhhh" to my restless mind, to regain focus on a household chore task instead of letting my mind get worked up.

[dare i say it]

I'll take that to mean I'm not alone in the literal, out-loud, compulsive talking to myself. I've only ever done this when the suicidal thought loop gets so intense that I guess my brain creates a release valve. A release valve that would probably be very troubling to others. I think it is a product of repression. Like, intense repression. For me, at least.

Yes! That's exactly it. And you said it better than I probably ever could have. Recently, I've gotten some clarity on why I have this problem. In one of my chem labs back in the day, the intstructor told us that we should never add heat to a closed system (think: microwaving something in a container with a snug lid). If you keep adding heat, and you do not provide a "release valve," the system will choose a release valve for you--if you know what I mean. That approach ends with you cleaning up a mess in your lab (or your microwave).

I think you're 1000000% right that it's a product of repression. I would add that "emotional dysregulation" and repression form an especially nasty cocktail of mental illness. I seem to react to things more strongly than most people (though I don't usually show it). I apparently need a lot of work on whatever skills are involved in coping with those strong emotions. Mostly, I try to ignore them. The more something bothers me, the more I try to ignore it until I end up feeling pretty miserable, or anxious, or I'm acting in ways that I know damn well are unhealthy.

[manuel_moe_g]

Mostly, I try to ignore them. The more something bothers me, the more I try to ignore it until I end up feeling pretty miserable, or anxious, or I'm acting in ways that I know damn well are unhealthy.

Even something as simple as giving myself permission to storm out of the room (knowing people will make fun of me) goes a long way. In the same way I wouldn't assume anything negative about someone who had to leave because the situation became too stressful, I practice extending the same benefit to myself.

[cyanidebreathmint]

Yes! That's exactly it. And you said it better than I probably ever could have. Recently, I've gotten some clarity on why I have this problem. In one of my chem labs back in the day, the intstructor told us that we should never add heat to a closed system (think: microwaving something in a container with a snug lid). If you keep adding heat, and you do not provide a "release valve," the system will choose a release valve for you--if you know what I mean. That approach ends with you cleaning up a mess in your lab (or your microwave).

I think you're 1000000% right that it's a product of repression. I would add that "emotional dysregulation" and repression form an especially nasty cocktail of mental illness. I seem to react to things more strongly than most people (though I don't usually show it). I apparently need a lot of work on whatever skills are involved in coping with those strong emotions. Mostly, I try to ignore them. The more something bothers me, the more I try to ignore it until I end up feeling pretty miserable, or anxious, or I'm acting in ways that I know damn well are unhealthy.

That's a great way to describe it. I like the microwave metaphor. I like the messiness. hehe

[dare i say it]

Hmmm...as I look over this thread, it seems like I might have gotten off track. It was originally a thread about documentaries and other media. Sorry about that.

Here is a link to the video Paul mentioned it at the end of the Mike Schmidt episode. It's fantastic--about 20 minutes long and well worth it for anyone who struggles with shame or rage or connecting to people. "The Power of Vulnerability" Brene Brown
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o

An excerpt:
Shame is easily understood as the fear of disconnection. Is there something about me, that if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection? It's universal. We all have it. The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection. No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it.

[snoringdog]

Bumping this thread up. Good discussions, and starting to look at some of the clips..

[snoringdog]

Just saw the documentary "That Way Madness Lies" produced by a woman whose brother seems to have developed schizophrenia(?) -paranoia and disordered thinking later in his life. He's intelligent, a filmmaker, and successful with his own car restoration business. To see him lose that is hard to watch and think about. We're so not in control of ourselves as we might think we are...

And her struggles in trying to get him help... exhausting.

It doesn't have a happy or definitive ending, but he is getting some treatment. This film really illuminates the difficulties relatives have when trying to help someone in the throes of this malady.

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/12/13/movi ... eview.html