Flu thoughts.

[Heatherwantspeace]

Hi Beany Boo,
I hope you don't think my comments were trying to negate yours. I value the perspective you bring and I am so grateful for all times you've helped me shift my perspective and resulting thoughts. I love the mosaic here, where everyone's viewpoint sits next to the other one's and we can choose bits of each that we find helpful and make our own little bit of art that says This is me!
Wishing you well today.
Heather

[Beany Boo]

Hi Heather,

No, not at all. I haven’t shared in quite this way before. I was just reframing what I’d said; to make it less about me.

[oak]

Hi friends! I hope you are all doing well.

1. Easily see coming mental wreckage from my quarantine
2. Resources, including an unlikely niche martial art
3. Plan to get my sleep back to normal
4. A sweet little report

1. In general I am doing okay. Not really. Or, I am facing grave mental and social consequences if I don't effect a richer life soon, specifically professionally and socially, vis a vis this quarantine.

I have a plan to apply for jobs, especially ramping up the job search in July. I am still working through the goals or outline for overcoming and facing this, but unlike the next two points, I don't have a specific way forward. I'll post more about this in the coming weeks.

2. While my professional and social lives are a shambles, my physical life is much healed and improved!

I am in touch with my body again, and it feels great.

I've stuck with my Zoom taekwando, tai chi, physical therapy homework, and online stick fighting tutorial. I tweaked my knee with my beloved solo jazz dance tutorial

In fact, I've discovered a martial arts niche that I had no idea existed, and I love: pen fighting.

Yes, defending oneself with a pen. I am adapting the stick fighting lessons (X strike, reverse X strike, horizontal, etc) to fighting with an ordinary pen (think a Zebra 301). Like all martial arts, considering how terrible (in the sense of a storm being "terrible") striking someone with a pen would be (seriously), I hope I never have to use it, and don't intend to. Happily, it is getting me stretching and moving. I never thought tai chi and pen fighting practice would make me happy, but here I am.

3. My sleep continues to be wildly inconsistent. I'll probably give it its own thread this weekend. Suffice to say I have a plan.

4. The other day I was going through the grocery store line, and was chatting up the kind cashier comparing the various qualities of pork and beef roasts. She asked if was married. I said no, and she said I would make a good husband to a lucky woman.

I am catching women staring at me.

I guess the Zoom taekwando and penfighting practice is, putting false modesty aside for a moment, giving me a vigorous glow.

I would do all the above for the fun of it anyway, but certainly no one was noticing me before.

Thanks for listening!

[Beany Boo]

This is looking great.

You’re continuing a movement practice. I like how you’re following the possibilities. Knowing you can defend yourself in the extreme situation, also means you’re likely to stand up for yourself in the ordinary everyday. This can be powerful. Also martial disciplines, while dangerous as you say, have no upper limits to the techniques and practices you can master.

Even though the reality of social and work prospects seem daunting, it doesn’t seem to be stopping you from ‘getting ready’; for new opportunities. That’s all you can ever really do, is get ready. Being ready means you’re in a position to intercept ‘those’ opportunities; the unique or surprise ones.

Unless you’re Jason Bourne, you may never get into a pen fight. But you are showing yourself how to grow your own interest and strengthening your own focus.

I like how it’s going for you with women. It’s clear how important this is for you. You’re confidence seems to be slowly building. It’s exciting!

One suggestion came to mind, something that I have adopted that seemed like nothing but turned into something special. Find a special place, somewhere you can go and relax for half an hour once a week and just be. For me it’s the native gardens at my old university. I take a hiking chair and go and sit amongst the trees listening to the leaves in the breeze and watching the clouds. It’s just a regular moment with no demands and no disturbances. I can talk things through with myself, or cry or celebrate where I’m at. Oh, and I leave my phone at home

[Heatherwantspeace]

I want to add that not only are you attracting women with your vigor, you are coming across as safe and dependable. That doesn't sound very glamorous, but it means you're showing up in an authentic way. I had a little cheer for you when I read your story!
Heather

[oak]

@BeanyBoo and Heather:

You know I'm grateful for all replies to my posts, especially the kindness you demonstrated to me, here. A real world outcome of your kindness and encouragement:

Shortly after reading your thoughtful replies, I did my daily tai chi and stick fighting tutorials. I decided to roll onto my back to do the core exercises prescribed by my physical therapist. (These are very simple and gentle stretches.)

I instantly realized I couldn't do any of these core exercises, due to all the tension in my back. I rolled onto my side, upset that I couldn't effect a good decision. In addition to being HALT, I was so sad. I laid there for several minutes, wondering how I got there.

Then I remembered your kind words and encouragement.

I decided right then that I could demonstrate some agency over a difficult situation:

Yes, I am overweight, but I can try a little more stretching tomorrow before trying again.

Yes, I do not have a girlfriend, but I can walk with my shoulders back when I go to the grocery store in the morning.

Yes, I am unemployed, but I can shave and wear clean clothes.

So, I still couldn't do the PT exercises that day, or since, but your kindness was a mental circuit breaker: I had outside, objective evidence that there is good out there, even if I don't feel it.

Thank you.

[Beany Boo]

Core exercises are hard. And they can often touch on core emotions pent up in your body. Less is more. And do less of them more often if that makes sense.

It’s not about making progress. It’s about finding your path and staying on it; even if you stop in place. Let it take as long as it takes. Even with the gentlest, kindest discipline, progress will come about.

You don’t have a girlfriend now but you’re in the most profound moment of your relationship with your self. How you treat yourself now will come to bear on relationships you have coming up.

I know it probably feels like not enough but what you’re doing; the choices you’re making; it’s a lot.

[Heatherwantspeace]

Oak, if it helps, my own journey back to bodywork hasn't been smooth. I think we may be disturbing some tension/thoughts/feelings that had settled in, not expecting to get any attention. I am actively choosing to not see this as a setback, but rather a "where I am now", which is neither good nor bad.
Heather

[oak]

Thanks as always @BeanyBoo and Heather. I tend to harbor a lot of trauma/anxiety/tension in my back. I don't know if it is any better, but I am keeping after my tai chi and stick fighting.

A little quarantine story:

Yesterday I felt a quarantine-related meltdown coming on. I saw where I was headed, probably 30% of the way there. Usually it is in the afternoon, when the AC is off, unshowered/gross/sticky, and I'm HALT.

So I turned on said AC, showered, heated up some homemade ham and bean soup, and enjoyed the regularly scheduled caffeine and Buspar.

Soon I was cool and clean and satiated and caffeinated and Buspar'd.

Small crisis averted!

[Beany Boo]

Wow, that’s an amazing result. I always appreciate how you trust to HALT. I think it’s a solid strategy. You nailed the interception of that meltdown just right at 30%. It’s not always possible, or ever easy, but it’s a good target.

It doesn’t fix it but I find that a gluts stretch can alleviate back tension. I also use a little spiky ball ($10 from the franchise sports store, for myofascial accupressure). I sit on it, stabilizing myself with my hands. I let the ball press into the glut muscle for ten seconds then shift to a slightly different area. And breathe. I do that four times on each glut. If they’re tense then the pain on the ball is usually excruciating! And breathe. But it works to lessen referred tension in the back. Not a medical expert! I usually use it if back tension is stopping me from getting to sleep. It works about 70% of the time, and I know it’s worked because my breathing gets slightly easier when I’m lying back in bed. It’s not a solution but it’s good for first aid.

I commend you on reading the ‘weather’ in such a timely and well anticipated way and bringing yourself through intact. It sets a good example for me.